Catching up

I really need to catch up on this blog, but I've been so busy lately with life. Just a little catching up:

P is in 1st grade and not loving it. She enjoys her teacher and her friend, and is a really good little student, but she hates school. The first month she cried every morning and I had to talk her into going. It was traumatic all around.

She is doing better but still complains about lunch. She says lunch and recess are too long. I think the comfort she feels in her classroom makes her secure. Being outside of that comfort makes her feel lost. Most of the time she says she misses me - she won't even go on play dates after school much of the time because she says she missed me all day at school. As long as I am on the play date with her, she is fine. That means, we only go on play dates where E and myself are invited to stay. That's fine with me. She is only 6 and will drift away from me soon, so I need to stop worrying and enjoy my time with my little girl.

E, on the other hand, LOVES school. He can't wait to get out of the house. Well, poor little thing, mommy takes the mornings to get stuff done and he gets ignored most of the time. I try to sit and play with him - crafts or trains. He's got an agenda, this kid. He has his opinion about what is fun to him and what he will do. P would do just about anything I suggest, but E will put the brakes on. He's like that with food too.

We have a rule at our table that the kids have to eat one of the vegetables on their plate. P will eat it and then tell me how nasty it was, but E will mess around trying to avoid it. I tell him, "just eat it and wash it down with milk if you think it tastes bad!" He takes little nibbles and makes awful faces. You'd think he'd learn that he's not excused until he takes a bite, but somehow he thinks he can dodge it. His newest is to make gagging noises - I worry about that one because Ilene puked green peas all over the table because her parents made her eat them. That is a worry...:)

Hardest part

The hardest part about living in this house, is that noone listens to me. I try to make changes for healthy eating and I am sabotaged by the offerings of ramen noodles and hot dogs. I try to get the kids to clean up after themselves, and I am told "no." I constantly have to reprimand or get upset. I ask for simple tasks to be done, like when I take the trash out I always replace the bags. I don't think it is much, but it is *never* done and then I am the one who ends up taking the trash out the next time and completely grossed out by what won't come put of the bathroom buckets.

I don't clean up or organize certain things because I grow weary of every day things not getting done so we can live in our home. I am tired of being ignored. Sometimes moving out and having my own place sounds really nice...

It is so hard to be the only one with ideas for the family. My husband NEVER just takes the kids on a bike ride or to play outside, unless I ask him to. He'd much rather sit in front of the TV or play video games or do "research" online. He feeds them crap food and thinks it is funny. He hasn't gone to ONE parent/teacher conference to hear how his kids are doing NOR does he even ask after I return home from one. He hasn't even seen one of their progress reports and P has four years worth and E has one.

HOWEVER, he does go to work and pay the bills. I guess I am beholden to that. I can't wait to get a job and get better perspective and less time to think about these things. I just hope it gets better or I am not sure what choice I will make. I need a partner, not another child to take care of or someone who constantly makes me feel guilty or pokes fun at me. I am not attracted to this person and sometimes feel as if I made a horrible mistake my not listening to my heart in the first place, I listened to my guilt.

Also, I am forced to write out my feelings because noone listens to me or they DON'T want to. They say I am nagging them simply by expressing my thoughts or that I am mean. I am getting so tired of living like this.