Hardest part

The hardest part about living in this house, is that noone listens to me. I try to make changes for healthy eating and I am sabotaged by the offerings of ramen noodles and hot dogs. I try to get the kids to clean up after themselves, and I am told "no." I constantly have to reprimand or get upset. I ask for simple tasks to be done, like when I take the trash out I always replace the bags. I don't think it is much, but it is *never* done and then I am the one who ends up taking the trash out the next time and completely grossed out by what won't come put of the bathroom buckets.

I don't clean up or organize certain things because I grow weary of every day things not getting done so we can live in our home. I am tired of being ignored. Sometimes moving out and having my own place sounds really nice...

It is so hard to be the only one with ideas for the family. My husband NEVER just takes the kids on a bike ride or to play outside, unless I ask him to. He'd much rather sit in front of the TV or play video games or do "research" online. He feeds them crap food and thinks it is funny. He hasn't gone to ONE parent/teacher conference to hear how his kids are doing NOR does he even ask after I return home from one. He hasn't even seen one of their progress reports and P has four years worth and E has one.

HOWEVER, he does go to work and pay the bills. I guess I am beholden to that. I can't wait to get a job and get better perspective and less time to think about these things. I just hope it gets better or I am not sure what choice I will make. I need a partner, not another child to take care of or someone who constantly makes me feel guilty or pokes fun at me. I am not attracted to this person and sometimes feel as if I made a horrible mistake my not listening to my heart in the first place, I listened to my guilt.

Also, I am forced to write out my feelings because noone listens to me or they DON'T want to. They say I am nagging them simply by expressing my thoughts or that I am mean. I am getting so tired of living like this.