Latest quarrel between P and one of her good friends was about who was prettiest. P said to me "I am at LEAST as pretty as Becca is! She said I was just kind of pretty!" They are 4 and why are they bothering me with this silly fight? Well, I am glad they did because any chance I can jump on the beauty comes from the inside train, I am on it.
I sat them both down and explained that they were both beautiful and pretty to me, but what really makes a girl pretty is how kind and loving she is to people around her. I went on to say that pretty girls treat their friends with respect and love and that they share their toys with them and say nice things. Then I put the ball in their court and asked what else they thought made someone pretty, and they really astounded me. P said being nice to friends and giving them a hug would make her feel pretty. Becca said sharing her toys would make her feel pretty. Both pretty awesome responses for four year olds. I don't know if they are really "getting it," but I am trying to build a strong foundation of self confidence, for they are both sensitive souls and will feel heartache when they go to school.
My mom was a kindergarten teacher for over 30 years and can tell you some doozies. Girls can be mean even at 5 and 6 - I say let's try to nip it in the bud now. Not so much their actions towards individual children because that is more about right and wrong, but how they will process what someone says to them or if they are treated poorly. That worries me. Mommy won't be there to say "chin up." No one should have the power to make another person feel unworthy, and kids do it all the time. I felt unworthy much of my young life because I was fat. I got teased, pushed, punched, and it sucked ass. Once I got into high school I lost a ton of weight and became a cheerleader. I don't think I did the cheerleading thing for myself, though, I think it was more of a kiss my ass maneuver to all the buttholes that teased me throughout middle school.
I know I never felt right about fighting back. I did *once* and got in trouble. I stuck my middle finger up at a girl who kept calling me "fatso." The bus driver saw me and I got pulled into the principal's office. heehee - I still love my middle finger. Lots of drivers see it all the time.
Anyhow, I just hope I am setting a good example about beauty for my daughter and I don't want her to be obsessed with looks. That's all. Yes, and that easy. AS IF. I *am* a woman (I have my own vanity to deal with).
2 comments:
What an awesome post. I love what you have to say.
At this very moment, I am compiling a list of things I was to make sure I teach Guy before I send him off to preschool, because, like you said, Mama won't be there to tell him otherwise, so I've gotta let him know now.
Great job, Kristin!
It's amazing how little girls start comparing themselves to others so young! Yours was a great reaction and hopefully good lesson for them.
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