Merry Christmas 2013!

Things are different.

After five glorious days off and tomorrow I have to go back to work. I am so blessed to have gotten a job in teaching, and I truly thank God everyday for this opportunity. I am on the same schedule as my children AND I am on the same educational philosophy.

What is hard is getting acclimated. I still struggle with having a place I need to be at a certain time with obligations. Plus, I've got so many personalities I am dealing with on a daily basis. Sometimes just socializing is exhausting.

All in all, I have to admit...I really like my job. I really enjoy being in education, and I can feel it in my bones that I am/or will be making a difference. Something is still out there for me and it kills me to know that I have more searching to do. I am fairly certain it has to do with where  I am, but it is goes beyond just where I am. That frustrates me...I can feel it. When I stop feeling it, will I be dead? Or simply satisfied? I hope the latter.

Reading - first month

I am now a reading teacher. I help middle school students who are reluctant or struggling readers learn to, well, read. My first month has been crazy! My co-worker said I need to start a memoir about my first year of teaching, I thought I should write about my FIRST month.

 So far:
-First day got cussed out by student, he fled and police had to bring him back, he is now at Cross Creek (1/2 day therapy - lots of problems)
-Parent came in to observe class and her son.
-Student asked if he was worth it and offered me $20.
-Student asked me if I was on my monthly cycle.
-Found out (too) many sad stories about a few of my kids.
-Students took pleasure the wrong way and started taunting ME about pleasuring myself.
-Student couldn't read a book about white water rafting because the first sentence started, "I like to ride anything."
-Parent/student conference where mom reference "getting it up the butt" and mom pointed at her daughter and said, "she knows what that means!"
-today I have my first OTES observation and my principal is video taping me. Wish me luck. :)

New Job

So, my new job isn't all that I expected it to be. I miss my old life. My life where I get to see my kids and be there for them.

Hubby told me that E was acting out because he missed me. E told hubby a couple of times he was mad at me over silly things and he's been trying to get attention in weird ways. Hubby says it is because of me going back to work.

I can't even describe how much my heart hurts, and for women who have to work long hours and be away from their children.

I held E tonight and started crying. He asked me why and I was honest. I told him, "I miss you." And, he started crying and hugged me. He told me he missed me too.

E lost his first tooth!

On Saturday night, E came up and said his tooth was wiggly. I didn't believe him and asked him to show me. Already?! But, I guess P was just about 5 and 1/2 when she lost her first tooth.


He kept mentioning something about salt water, and I said that salt water was good to swoosh around in your mouth after you lose a tooth. It helps the bleeding stop. Sunday night he lost it. He was playing with it and it just came out! He came downstairs to show me and kept saying, "salt water, salt water!" We ran to the sink and I made him a little salty concoction. He said he didn't like it. Then he was afraid to eat anything. Such a cutie!

You have no idea...

You have no idea how hard this is on me. Both my children in school this year. I've stayed home with my children since they were born, seven and a half years. Now, I am going back to work and my life is changing.

My heart actually aches for my kids. I can't even look at their pictures when they were younger right now...it just hurts so much. The sounds of them playing or even fighting would be better than this silence. I have plenty to keep me busy, but oh how I wish it was preparing to take my children to story time at the library or COSI's little kidspace. I miss my life from the passed few years...I don't know how I feel about where I am currently, but what I do know is that I wish I could look forward to it. Really, I'm just doing it to help pay bills...bills that I accrued b/c I wanted to go back to work.

I just wish I could have sent E only half day kindergarten and been with him one more year. P hates After Care and that makes it even harder on me. I'm just really bummed out right now.

First Day of Kindergarten

I am so sad today, but I pretended to be happy and excited. My darling boy is off to kindergarten. I am thankful for all the time I got to spend with my children...so very thankful.

First Day of Second Grade

Where has the time gone?  First day back to school after a summer of fun wasn't the easiest. I miss my little girl. She is growing up too fast for my liking.

Learn great things, dear one. Mommy will always be here to support and love you, no matter what.

Thank you

Dear Teachers, Principals, and School Administration,

Thank you for the care and the love you have shown my children this passed year. During their time with you they grew another couple of inches and expanded their thought and knowledge exponentially. I watched them succeed and fail. I watched them go out of their comfort zones and try new things. I watched them cry because they were too sick to go to school, or not sick enough to stay home.

I watched my daughter struggle with lunch and recess, having an intense fear of the older kids. She was only 6 and scared. Now, she is 7 and strong and writes in her first grade journal about how recess and lunch are her favorite times. She has made friends, played games, and exchanged secrets. I almost feel badly for her being home with her boring mom all summer.

My son has matured and lost the tiny boy he started as back in the fall. His bag of clothing had a pull up in it...and now, he he doesn't even pee the bed. He is still a sweet baby, though, and I don't want that to go away too soon. My girl has already become disenchanted with mommy...not another one for a while, please.

It was just yesterday I nursed them, changed their dirty diapers and sang them to sleep. Now, I am taking them to the pool, turning on Sponge Bob, and loving the support they give me.

I am so lucky, not only because I have wonderful kids, but that they were loved when they were out of my arms. For that, I can't thank you enough.

1st Soccer Trophy

Happy 7!

P turned 7 years old! We had her party at the rec center pool in the "Fish Bowl." The kids had a blast.

P likes: writing books and making up stories, watching TV, playing with friends, playing Plants vs. Zombies, soccer (sometimes), steak on the bone, yogurt, and strawberries.

She lost four teeth in two weeks. Two of them were at school!

Dandelions

I love that my girl picks dandelions and gives them to me as if they were precious prized roses.

Grateful

Five things I am grateful for today:

1. Waking up to a crisp sunny day.

2. Being able to feed my children.

3. My new blender.

4. Apply for jobs I am actually 100% qualified for...and more than just one job!

5. My husband's outlook on life.

To my children

Dear Children,

Today you made me laugh. I really enjoyed your company as I folded laundry and cleaned up the dog poo in the yard.

You play together so well, and while playing outside you asked me if you could marry one another. Gently, I said "no" and told you that is illegal. Then you ran off to play and found a slug. You put that slug in a sand bucket with a bunch of grass. I heard you both giggling, and then you ask me if slugs poo. I said "yes" and told you that they not only poo but probably pee. E asked me what slugs eat. I said vegetation. E, you promptly ran off and told sister. Both of you thought about it for a minute and a second later I was explaining "vegetation." When you found out that vegetation included grass you were both satisfied you did a good job taking care of that slug.

P, my darling girl, you and your brother ask me all the time if you can play Plants vs. Zombies. Most of the time I say no because I don't like you sitting in front of the computer, but today...today was different. You handed me a lovely drawing with a note stating how much you loved me. Then you asked me to go down to the computer room to look at something. I finished up the dishes and walked downstairs. Upon reaching the laundry room I spied little blue post-it notes leading me to the computer. They said:

"Mom only alwd"
"Mommy, can I pls play Plants vs zmbeez?"
"I love u and hope you say yes"

I said yes. Now, you and your brother are playing the game as I type.

Love, mommy

Ugh...food trials again

I keep going back and forth with my diet. I want to be vegetarian, I don't, I want to be vegetarian, I can't do it, I want to be vegetarian, and I basically have been brought up on meat and it is hard to change habits.

Well, I watched a documentary called "Forks Over Knives." It was eye-opening and scary. Scary because really to get better health and maintain it, all I have to do is change my diet. People actually reversed their heart disease by choosing to eat a plant-based diet...flat out facts.

Hubby has asked me why I want to stop eating meat. My response was usually emotionally charged - "because I feel bad for the animal or the thought of eating an animal only because of my appetite makes me sick for myself." It never has been point blank, "for my health." The more I turn to wanting to eat less meat or cut it out completely the more I have difficulty ingesting it. I am used to it, though, because I was brought up on meat - the texture, taste, and dishes are familiar to me.

One thing that a doctor said in the documentary was that he had biases. He was a dairy farmer and bought into the marketing that milk is necessary and good for you. Then he changed his mind - when he was older, mind you. And now, the man is in his 70s, running hills, and seems to have more energy than I do...because of his commitment to choosing healthful foods. I want to be healthy and I want to have peace of mind...why do I let my appetite control me? I need to have more will power. I need to have better practices for my health.

I wish I had it in me to write an entire post on what I think about this documentary, but I don't. The kids are currently playing far too rough and will start crying soon. But, I want to leave with this - I need to change my habits. I have cancer and heart disease in my family, and being an older parent means I need to take good care of my health. I want to see my kids graduate from college, I want to see them get married and have kids if they so choose. I want to be a part of my children's adult lives. If making simple changes such as no more processed foods or meat can help me get there, by golly, I need to at least try.

Annual Egg Hunt

Our friends host an Easter egg hunt every year, and I look forward to it every year. They make it so much fun for the kids by having an egg hunt, face painting, trampoline jumping, food, and prizes. It is so fun to be with friends for this festive activity.

This year, however, P had a fever (imagine that, she had a fever for the Christmas party, too). Poor thing, missed out on all the fun...and so do I because I stay home with her. Glad E had a great time, though. Here he is with the Easter Bunny.

Saturday Family Fun Day: North Market and COSI

Friday

Last day before spring break! Early release from school, played outside, enjoyed a little bit of sunshine in the cold weather.

Egg Crackers

I took the kids to Whole Foods for their little kids cooking class. They learned about eggs and got to crack them! We met up with some of their friends, ate, and had a great time.

He likes to bounce...