Old Hilliard

Another thought I had about over-analyzing is worrying about how loud, rude, obnoxious and down right unruly my 2 year old P can be. Recently, friend Beth posted about apologizing for our children's actions. It is nice that she brought that up because one of my best friends was in town last week and I felt like I was constantly apologizing for how P was acting. My friend kept saying, "Kristin - she is TWO. Get over it. That is how she is supposed to act." I found that most generally this is how people feel about two and three year olds - they expect them to be out of control and crazy, and coming from a single friend, I appreciated hearing she didn't expect anything less from my "terrible toddler."

Old Hilliard and the babes

However, there are people who do not appreciate that a child is two, and when a child is unruly they get really annoyed and upset at the parent...and ridiculously at the young child. The kid can't really help it, but I do think it is a parent's responsibility to take responsibility for their child's actions. It is important a child learns that their actions have consequences - and that isn't always a reprimand. I think that apologizing for something your child did in front of them shows the child that whatever their action was, it wasn't acceptable. An apology was necessary - this was the consequence. Those are just MY thoughts and how I parent. Everyone has the right to parent how they want to parent and shouldn't be judged for their decisions.

Now that P is older I have her apologize if it is necessary. She doesn't always want to, but she needs to learn that if she hurts someone, damages property or says something mean, she needs to apologize. I feel she is learning how "to be" in the world and learning apologies is learning empathy, responsibility for her actions and to care that others have feelings and she shouldn't stomp all over them. Plus, seeing another child cry because my daughter did something makes me feel terrible. I don't really know if she understands what "sorry" means, but I am confident she'll get it eventually.

I spoke to my pediatrician about how much a two year old actually remembers because I was concerned about some yelling episodes that occurred. He said that two year olds don't remember a ton from day to day, but they do remember patterns and you are setting the foundation for what you want their actions to be as they grow - so be consistent. My mom being an early childhood educator/expert always helps me remember that my children's most influential role model is me - mommy. What? I signed up for hugs, kisses and playing! Not to be someone's role model! :) But, I now have the responsibility to raise good citizens. Hopefully my children will make positive impacts on the world and the people around them. And, I think part of that will be making apologies along the way.