Saying Goodbye Sux.

I will try to call later. Today Nic and I are shopping for something to wear to the funeral and for the baby and Hailey. I know that Sheilah would want us all to have something special to wear...even to her own funeral.

Yesterday I sat with her for a good hour/2 hours and got to hold her hand. I told her how God blessed me with her, my beautiful daughter and hubby. I said I am so lucky that the baby resembles her because I can look at my baby and be reminded of her each day. She just said, "oh sweetie." I hope I didn't upset her, but I know I was upset. I am just so grateful I was able to sit with her like that in her bed. Ronnie and Judy were there. Ronnie is was really hanging in there fighting back the tears. There was so much love in that room. Sheilah is/was certainly one of the good ones...like Grandma...and now God will get her back to do more work for him.

I am going to miss her so much. I am so sad Miss P won't get to know her like I did, but the kids reassure me that they will share their memories of Nana with their cousin. I just wanted one trip to Disney with Sheilah, and I kind of got it. Not what I imagined, but at least I can tell Miss P she had one trip to Florida with Nana.

Hubby cried and cried yesterday on the phone when he told me how Sheilah was suffering. She basically said she was ready to go and that she wouldn't last for a few days. I feel so badly for him. He is hurting in the way deep down places of his heart, and I don't think he expected to be in so much pain. He thought that accepting the fate of his mother was enough grieving...unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I think she was having conversations with her dead loved ones. When I was sitting with her she was moaning and kind of jerking her body. I was thinking to myself she was having a conversation with God and her loved ones getting them ready for her arrival and giving them each a job to do for when she gets there. haha. Then I heard she told Mary that her mom was upset with them - I think that was referring to Bill and his actions. I am sure if Bill's mom saw what he was doing she wouldn't be very happy. I'll write about that later, but maybe not. I really don't want to give any more thought to what a jackass he can be. Sorry, Sheilah, if you get wind of what we all truly think of Bill when you are up there. I just always wanted so much more for you.