A "talk"

So, hubby and I were sitting down to dinner last night and he wanted to share something he had been thinking about for a little while. Basically, it was an observation of how different our lives have become. He said we used to have so much in common when I was working. We were on the same playing field in that we both worked in an agency setting. Now, I stay home with Miss P and he goes off to a corporate job he took last August, which makes our conversations very different.

He said we used to be able to connect, but now our days are so completely opposite that we don't share that work conversation commonality. He said that he felt this is why couples grow apart and so many divorces happen when the children leave the nest. Because husbands and wives let that gap grow between them when the children arrive in the communication arena. He said he didn't want that to happen to us. He said that once a month he wants us to do something so that we can just be together and talk. I asked if that is what would make him feel better about our relationship - kind of fishing to see if he was truly unhappy and that is the reason he is talking to me about this topic.

From what I gather, he was just talking about some feelings he was having. And I appreciated that. I also appreciate that he wants our marriage to work and not to fail like so many of our friends' marriages. Or have a marriage that is full of grudges and anger towards the other person for "forgetting" about them or for not having open communication.

It seems to me that maybe he would like to really explore his job and possibly have the freedom to just hang out when everyone else does. For drinks, dinner or what not. I never stop him from doing those things, and frankly I think it is good to hang out with work people to help build a working relationship. I just hope he can draw the line between work, family and friends. I know he loves us, but does he really want to be with us? After our conversation last night I am a little hesitant to say 100% yes...and I don't know why.

This is where if I could have looked in the future I would have seen this coming. I mean, our lives growing up were totally different. My life was VERY family oriented and my dad played a huge role in our upbringing. He was a disciplinarian, a playmate and a provider. He totally took care of us and we always felt safe that mom and dad would be around when we needed them...or even when we didn't want them around. haha. Shane's family was totally different. His dad passed when he was young and his mom was left to bring up three boys alone - working fulltime and going to school. She married again, but her next husband wasn't the "fatherly" type like my dad was, so to speak. He was a nice man, just not a man that the boys looked to as "dad." Shane and his brothers pretty much fended for themselves...and that is what they are used to. Shane is used to be totally independent and just looking after himself, but now he has a family and I know he struggles with what he should/needs to be doing and what he wants to do. Maybe he is just putting on a happy face and acting like everything is fine - does he truly believe it? I don't know. Only time will tell.