I read this article on the Daily Babble the other day: http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/tags/The+War+on+No/default.aspx
This article highlights how important it is to actually "parent" your child and not just befriend them. From what was written, many kids in today's society are having a hard time fitting in...mainly because they haven't learned from being disciplined consistently or have been given pretty much anything they want or overly praised. The author highlights that parents are more concerned with being accepted by their children and winning their approval rather than being the "bad" guy and taking things away from them or just simply saying "no."
Now, I know that I have issues with this already with my 1 and 1/2 year old. I find I want her to be happy so I will do things to redirect her instead of reprimanding her. I have read through a few things and talked to my pediatrician and basically was told it is okay to say no and not just redirect her. I can reprimand her in small ways and not feel guilty about it. But, that is so hard for me because sometimes I almost feel like she won't love me anymore if I reprimand her, which is entirely untrue. I am actually doing her a disservice by not disciplining her. As she grows up she'll actually have social problems if I don't say "no" when it is warranted.
Now, when I write the word "warranted" that is exactly what I mean. They have to do something bad not just do something you don't agree with - like brush their teeth differently than you showed them or throw a sippy cup...they have to be hitting the dog or ruining a toy or coloring on the wall.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't agree with parents who let their kids get by with whatever they want. If I ask Peyton to help me clean up toys, eventually I expect her to help me clean up the toys. If I ask her to settle down so I can get her dressed, eventually I expect her to settle down and let me get her shoes on her. Maybe I sound harsh, but eventually she will be in school and have to do those things without me around...and I want to be proud of my little muchkin not embarressed because I didn't do my job as a parent.
2 comments:
i hear what you are throwing down and agree. I don't think you sound harsh. I think it would be unloving of you to let her get away with anything and that would truly be hard.
She depends on her parents to help her understand what's right and wrong and she needs that structure. I have to constantly remind myself that not letting Will have a lollipop every single day is okay even though he sobs and my heart strings get tugged. But i try to keep a long term perspective of him having healthy teeth and us not having huge dental bills. I think thats part of the key to all this, keeping a long term perspective as to why you are saying "no" day in and day out or teaching the kids to pick up after themselves, etc.
i said hard i meant to say harsh...
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