One of my best college friends called me this morning at 7:35am. She was crying. She said she had to tell me something...and getting a call from her that early I knew something was up. I was hopeful, though, and thought JUST maybe she was on her way somewhere after dropping her 23 month old off and had a few minutes to chat. That is typically when we talk - in the car where we don't have to constantly interrupt our conversations with the "no, honies" or the "put that down, honies" or the "I gotta go, our honies are no longer honies." Her name is Mary and she has been one of my very best friends since the winter of 1990. We met at my boyfriend's house at the time. She was hanging out with his roomate, Stinky Chad (yes, as in body odor because he didn't believe in anything but natural products...and, obviously didn't even try those out either). We immediately hit it off, dumped the boys and toys, and were instant BFFs. I even remember that the first time we hung out was to see a movie. It was The Commitments at the dollar theater. She picked me up in her blue Honda Accord, we both had on our leathers and we smoked Marlboro Lights all the way to the theater. I really don't know how we even took a drag off a smoke because we were too busy chattering away like little birds. We had a connection, a real connection that if you are lucky you get to experience a few times in your life. Well, I am lucky. Damn lucky to have met my wonderful friend.
I just love her dearly, which is why I can barely write what she said to me this morning..."I have cancer." What? What do you mean? You are only 36, you aren't supposed to have cancer. You are in grad school, you aren't supposed to be sick. You are getting close to trying for your second child, you are NOT supposed to have cancer. The reality is she does. She does have it and is dealing with right now, this very moment, this very Tuesday in this very month of July. dammit. She has an aggressive type of cervical cancer, that is yes, caused by the HPV virus. It is a rare strain that was dorment for years. She had a papsmear last year and there wasn't a trace. So, in one year it spread that quickly, so quickly that they have to remove her entire cervix and potentially give her a hysterectomy. She has already had the walls scraped and that is when the doctor realized there wasn't an end to the abnormal cells. The abnormal cells had spread...and they don't really know how far at this point. She had a catscan and hopefully that will give her some indication as to where the cancer has made an intrusion. Once she has the surgery she has to go through chemotherapy. WTF??!! She is still in shock from the news, I think.
When I spoke with her she was handling the news in a stoic manner, as typical Mary. She gets $hit done and worries later...or not at all. "You do what you gotta do" is a very favorite Maryism of mine. She has always makes me feel better about my worries, and I hope I can do the same for her. I plan to have her around for a long time - and I am sure she plans on that too.
This whole thing makes me really think about my daughter and how important it will be to talk about sex and protection. And, how important that new HPV immunization will be when she comes of age...and hopefully not sooner. oh lordy, I can't even bear to think about it. And, the thing that I am so ashamed of is that I have been worrying about my hair and how I want to get it cut. That has been one of my main focuses recently for myself....I need a life evaluation. Especially since I haven't seen my dermatologist or family doc to get evaluated for my skin cancer in 2 years. But, oh goodness, have mercy on my non-trendy, too conservative haircut that is driving me batty...whatever, I'm a loser sometimes.
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