Three makes holidays bright

It was so wonderful to have Miss P around this Christmas. Even though she was sick, I was sick, hubby was sick and dad was in the hospital we had a wonderful holiday.

Miss P was up most of the night Christmas Eve because she had an ear infection, which we would find out later, and was so stuffy she could barely breath through the snot. After I got her on a Benedryl nap she slept for a good six hours, and that gave me just enough shut eye to get through her first Christmas morning without totally losing it from lack of sleep and patience (after the first three days of sick cries you get kind of edgy).

She was funny just sitting there pulling apart wrapping paper and banging boxes together. She loved her toys from her cousin Ryan. They kept her occupied as hubby and I exchanged our Christmas gifts. I am actually typing on my right now - a thoroughly decked out laptop. Hubby was actually synking his Xbox 360 up to it last night. very cool.

Miss P got a few toys from Leap Frog, Monster House and Curious George DVDs, books, a couple of outfits, a snow suit, hand knitted hat and gloves (we love the homemade stuff!), a few other toys and clothing items. She made out to say the least. And her nana gave her some stock! We love savings accounts! She better go to college and not blow it all on a backpacking trip across Europe...well, unless she takes me with her. hahaha!

We are celebrating Christmas with my side of the family over New Year's weekend since dad was in the hospital on the 25th. So, we have another Christmas to look forward to! yeh!!

Well, better run. Sick cries are getting louder and more needy.....

Deck the halls with boughs of...

Christmas was eventful, to write the least. Miss P was sick, I was sick, and the worst part was my dad went into the hospital. Dec. 19 he had a defibrilator put in with a pacemaker function as well, and it went off two days after he got it put in. Twice. The second time it knocked him off his feet, my mom freaked out, they rushed to the hospital, and the doctor said he had to stay in the hospital for three days. Three days?! That meant Christmas Eve AND Christmas in the hospital.

Of course, dreaming of sugar plums went out the window when I thought I could have lost my dad. Luckily, he had the hardware hooked up to his heart three days before he had not ONE but TWO heart attacks in twenty-four hours. He was going to wait until January to get the surgery, and thank goodness he didn't. His doctor's nurse was actually the one to push him into it. She basically asked him if he wanted to live or die. Uhmmmm....choice? I think not....especially with two brand new grandbabies.

Anyhow, my bro and his family came down for our yearly Christmas festivities that we ended up just having at the hospital. It was a very nice time that I think we will never forget. Hubby bought a little tree for the room, my niece and newphews made ornaments and I put together some hor d'vours. Bro and sisil brought everything to the hospital and set it up. When mom and dad saw everything they were emotionally moved. My mom cried. Well, she always cries, except this time it wasn't over a Hallmark card commercial....we wish it was.... I have to say it was the best Christmas knowing my dad lived when he could have died. All I can do is say I am extremely grateful to modern medicine.

My husband's dad died of the same type of heart problem at the young age of thirty-six. Hubby wondered if how my dad is being treated could have saved his dad. That is a question we will never know the answer to, unfortunately.

Hubby's mom is very sick as well. She is suffering from ovarian cancer. BUT, she is here with us, and has been for six years after being diagnosed. We are so happy she has taken chemo this long. God bless her for her strength and willingness to perservere through treatment after treatment. She is quite a strong woman. I hope she is around for many more years; especially for Miss P.

I truly am blessed to have such a wonderful, loving family. I take them for granted far too often, and this Christmas I was reminded how important family is and how much I love them.

Talky talky

I cannot believe how much Miss P talks! She cracks me up. We have little conversations all day long, and sometimes I can tell what she is trying to tell me. It is great to be able to "talk" to each other instead of her having to cry to share her needs. Currently she says: dadada, mamama, nanana, brahbrahbrahbrah,broobroobroobroo, she vibrates her lips and says drumdrumdrumdrum, shishsishishishi and other sounds that I am not sure how to type.

She also makes me laugh at her inquisitiveness. She just stares at people she is unfamiliar with and eventually, well maybe, they get a smile. She checks out everything until she understands it...at least that is the way it seems. I give her a toy or clothes to play with and the first thing she goes for is the tag. It is like she is checking out how mom is supposed to wash the clothes or care for the toy. I am waiting for her to look up at me and say, "this needs to be drycleaned." hahaha.

Also, she has started to travel if she wants something. Right now she wants to pet the dog. So, she layed down from a sitting position, rolled on her tummy and reached out as far as she could to get a handful of doggie's soft fur. I am definitely going to have my hands full when she starts to crawl. I can't wait!!

7 months

My baby girl is SEVEN months old today. I know that is still so young; but, I can't believe that she is that "old" already. Time has certainly gone by quickly. I don't even remember the summer because I was so busy taking care of Miss P and working on my schoolwork. BUT, I am SO incredibly happy I took so many photos of her because I can go back and look at her changing. Since I see her everyday I don't notice all of the subtle changes. I am thankful to the digital camera age and the ability to see my photos right away - what would I do without you Mac and Canon? I take a lot of pictures...let's just say I have almost 4,000 in my iPhoto. *smile*

Anyhow - here is a picture of her from when she was 2 weeks old:















And here she is at 7 months:


















Today I am getting her picture taken for Christmas. She needs her "middle" of the year picture taken...I need to make it 4,001....:)

Flu shot

Miss P got her last round of the flu shot today. As a six month old infant she had to get one and then thirty days later get a second one. I guess babies can't handle the full dose at once. I made sure to get them without a preservative because I have a friend whose child was poisoned by themerisol. The boy had signs of autism that were brought about by mercury poisoning. The child is being treated for mercury poisoning and is actually improving. It is unbelievable. I feel so bad for the child and the parents for having to go through such a horrible ordeal. Luckily, though, my friend gave hubby and I a ton of insight into immunizations and other shots. We know what to questions to ask and what type of shots to request thanks to his guidance. I feel more comfortable about her immunizations knowing they aren't tainted by preservatives.

Miss P did really well getting the flu shot. The nurse was quick. So quick that I didn't even know she administered the shot until Miss P's face turned red and she was mustering up a screaming cry. She cried for a moment, but I picked her up right away and she quit crying as soon as she was in my arms. It is amazing the comfort and love babies feel in their mother's arms. I know as a thirty-something I still love the feeling of my mom's hugs and kisses. They are super special to me and I hope P feels the same way one day.

I think the next round of shots I have to endure...excuse me...that my baby has to endure are at twelve months. Hurray! I have five months off. I feel for all those new moms out there that have to start the two, four and six month round of shots. It is quite heartbreaking knowing your baby is being poked with a needle. But, the good news is that each time you go the better it gets. I know some moms that don't want to be in the room when their baby gets a shot. I could NEVER do that. Miss P needs to know that her mommy is there to make it better, or at least console her when she is in pain. I couldn't leave my baby in the arms of a stranger when she is experiencing some of the worse pain she has felt in her little life. That seems so unmotherlike.

Journal

I have been trying to keep a journal for baby concerning the things I do not want to forget. I think I am over-extending myself with the things I want to keep, where I am storing them and how I am storing them. I have a severe problem trying to organize and choose the best method of keeping memories, especially photos. My childhood photos are in a big box that needs to be sorted through and put into albums. I can't even just pick up an album and cherish memories of my past, and I don't want Miss P to feel that same frustration. So, I have been trying to order pictures online and as soon as I receive them I put them into albums. I have already fallen behind on that task because I can't find the "perfect" album to put her pictures in. It is ridiculous.

I just want to be sure I have plenty of pictures of her from her childhood that can be easily accessed. I also have things online at places like Snapfish, Shutterfly and Youtube...in addition to her own little websites I create.

For me, because I have a hard time being creative with crafts and such, it needs to be easy. I find those pre-made calendars and baby books a good outlet, but they seem so impersonal. I mean I want to do things in a special way for Miss P, not in a generic-I-found-this-at-babiesrus way. Not that there is anything wrong with it - and I have plenty of stuff I use that is generic...but, I really want at least one super special thing that Miss P can look back on when she is older...and cherish when she is my age. Scrapbooking may be the best thing - and it can be fun if I am in the mood (which isn't often, so it'll be quite an undertaking for me).

The good thing is that I have this blog to keep memories in. Hopefully Miss P will read this one day and not thing I am a total nutcase. Hopefully she'll think I just love her that much to worry about some of the things on here. ha!

Oh goodness

I can't believe it has been so long since I have written. Things have been kind of crazy with school and the baby getting older.

Miss P is doing the most incredible things...well, things I take for granted everyday because I have been doing them for 27 years :). I mean HOW cool is it to be able to:

*roll over
*say dadadadada
*check out new toys with your own hands
*get new clothes because the old ones don't fit...and not because you are fat! :)
*get to taste veges and fruits for the first time

The only thing that is not cool at times is the whole stranger anxiety. She is completely afraid of all men except her daddy. It can be embarrassing when she screams because a nice older gentleman says hello to her and smiles. You can tell he just wants to see the baby and get a smile, but no, it ends up with the man apologizing for scaring her. I guess some men can look quite grimacing smiling at you if you do not know them. Can you blame her?

Here is a picture of Miss P from Halloween....well, the picture was taken the day after because we stayed due to crappy weather. I wanted to take her to the neighbors, but I guess that'll just happen next year!

He sent me flowers.

There is this man I know who has changed my thought on men. He is kind, generous, loving and doesn't try to be macho when he isn't or pretend to know about things he doesn't. He is just him, take it or leave it.

There is this man I know who has taught me how to love. He is giving, sincere, honest and doesn't tell me things just because I want to hear them or take things the wrong way when I am mad. He is just him, take it or leave it.

There is this man I know who has taught me what it is to live. He is beyond humorous, fun, patient and tries new things, no matter how big or small. He is just him, take it or leave it.

There is this man I know who has made me the happiest wife and mother on earth. That man is my husband and he is perfect as just him, and I'll take it.

Today I saw a rainbow

This morning was like any other morning. I didn't want to get out of bed. I am so tired in the mornings, but I hear Miss P cooing in there and hubby getting ready for work, so I know I HAVE to get my butt out of bed. It was 7:30a (a little late for me) when I finally decided to leave my mattress. I brushed my teeth, changed the baby and said good-bye to hubby for the day.

That was when my morning changed. I noticed hubby pull back into the driveway. I just thought he forgot his sunglasses or wallet, not too surprising (he tends to lose things). Anyhow he came busting in the door and immediately opened our back door yelling to me to "come see this!" I took Miss P off the boob, apologized for interrupting her breakfast and hurried outside...and I am so glad I did.

There was the most amazing rainbow hanging in the sky I had ever seen. It stood in the sky perfectly. It was as if it had always been there just waiting for the right moment to show itself. Hubby, Miss P and I just stood there quietly and gazed at the colors placed so beautifully in an arch. We identified ROYGBIV and took a couple of pictures.

It is amazing how one thing can change the course of your day. That rainbow actually elated me and reminded me of nature's beauty and wonders.

New toys

I put Miss P in her Johnny Jump Up the other day and she LOVED it. It only took her about 10 minutes to realize she can turn and watch the dogs or see what I am up to, and also to bounce. She loves to use her little legs to bounce her up and down. The best part is, I think she likes the feeling of independence. She loves to be held, but she also likes to have her "own" thing going on. She gets that from her mom.

At first I was a little leery because you just clasp it above the door frame, but it holds pretty firmly - especially when baby is in the seat. It seems to pull the clasps tighter together against the wall when she is in it. She doesn't bounce all that aggressively, yet. I am sure I will rethink putting her in it when she grows a bit more. Right now, at a whole 13 pounds, I feel pretty safe about her bouncing around.

Of course, the first time I put her in it I had to take a ton of pictures. She was so damn cute, how could I resist?. I think hubby gets annoyed when I say "grab the camera" because I already have over 2,000 pictures of her in our iPhoto; but, those are 2,000 pictures of her I will NEVER get to take again. Pictures of hubby and I are old hat - we pretty much look the same day after day, but Miss P changes everyday and I need to be sure to document it. Luckily, I am more organized with her pictures and backing them up than I am with the laundry.

First taste of cereal!

Miss P had her first taste of something other than breastmilk yesterday! I fed her baby rice cereal and she LOVED it. No spitting, no bad faces, no refusal - I was so happy about that. I thought it was a good time to start her because she wanted to eat this double chocolate chip cookie I was eating while visiting my friend Daryl. I thought that starting her out on a processed cookie from the grocery bakery was a bad idea, plus Daryl yelled at me (well, not really).

Honestly, though, I was a little apprehensive about starting her on solid food (she is almost 5 months) because I was afraid it'd be just as difficult as breastfeeding. I had a horrible time doing the boobie dance with Miss P. It was one of the most challenging experiences I have ever had. Everything I had read said it was the best thing for baby and that it was the most natural thing for baby...well, it didn't seem natural at all when I was first doing it. It took Miss P and I three months to finally get to the point where she was a "natural nurser." I thought getting her to eat rice cereal was going to be just as difficult, but it was the complete opposite.

She sat in her bouncy with two bibs (one was already on for drool and I was too lazy to take it off). And as soon as the spoon hit her mouth she opened up. I was amazed and overjoyed at the same time. It was the cutest thing ever. She had a great time being fed and even ate the entire bowl! One WHOLE tablespoon of cereal and FOUR whole tablespoons of breastmilk...hahaha! It is hard to know how much a tablespoon of breastmilk is, so I just pulled a few one ounce bags out of the freezer. Everything I read said DON'T WASTE BREASTMILK because it is liquid gold. So, the left over milk I had I just fed to the dogs....just joking.

Anyhow, I am so happy I think I'll feed it to her again today.

Dreams of the east coast

Hubby and I discussed moving back out east where he is from, and I was actually liking the idea. I love the east coast. I don't miss living in NYC, but I do miss the surrounding states.

A big part of the reason I want to move out east is because I have a very good friend that lives in Boston. I met her when I was working at a trendy tourist restaraunt in the Village. She was this spunky, beautiful girl with the most amazing personality. I don't think she has a mean bone in her body unless she is joking around. You know the type of friend who just clicks with you and you automatically feel comfortable and secure? Well, that is her. She's awesome.

It sucks that we live so many miles apart. It'd be great to just call her up and meet for lunch or coffee, or ICE CREAM. She'd be a great surrogate mom to Miss P. I know Miss P will adore her when she meets her.

My friend was just really on my mind this morning. She and I would try to get into trouble by being loud and obnoxious or by just doing silly things. I went out to visit her for Halloween a few years ago. We bought tickets to a witch's ball in Salem, Mass and planned to just get freaked out. It was pretty cool - and we did get freaked out.

When we first arrived we were starving, and the invite said they'd have finger food. We pigged out on the appetizers and drank a few glasses of red wine. The witches came in and set up the evening making us feel like we were really part of Hogwarts or something. We then had to walk into this room under a trellis of dried chicken feet on red yarn. They asked if we wanted one. Hell, yes! I think we had the same thought running through our heads: that an ugly dried chicken foot will make the perfect practical joke at some point in time during my visit.

Anyhow, we tried to conceal our laughter through the whole event. I, of course, was trying to be serious, and she, of course, was making fun of everything the witch said. I was peeing my pants. Then at the end of the thing he "initiated" us into the coven...or whatever they called it. We had to go up and get ashes on our foreheads - they were of a cross. When we looked at each other we weren't laughing anymore, we were truly scared. SO scared we had to drink another glass of red wine. ha!

Well, the next day we felt kind of rough and decided to get out for breakfast and enjoy the fresh air. That is when we realized we had those chicken feet. One ended up hanging from a tree in front of her condo building and the other was left on a subway seat on the T (T or L? I can't remember what is in Boston). It was hysterical to see people's faces as they rushed to sit in what they thought was a vacant seat. So many people went to sit on the foot and then would get a look of sheer horror as they tried to figure out what it was. I am telling you, dried chicken feet are damn ugly. Just google it, you'll see.

Washington DC

So, I am flipping through channels and notice on the Travel Channel that the hotel they are highlighting looks vaguely familiar. As I watched I noticed that it was a hotel hubby had to make a pit stop in, if you get my drift.

Last summer I did a lot of traveling with my job, and one of my destination cities was Washington DC. I was very excited because I had never been there. The downfall was that it was hubby and I's anniversary. It ended up being great because I just extended my trip, and hubby and I went on a site-seeing weekend for our 3rd wedding anniversary.

We went to the WWII Memorial, Lincoln's Memorial, the Holocaust Museum and all of the other incredible memorials and museums located at our nation's capitol. We also ran into my sister-in-law and niece, which was a nice surprise. We walked most of the time because the weather was so nice. As we were walking back to the hotel hubby was overcome with the urge to, well, you know, splurge, so we had to stop someplace with a bathroom.

We went into this hoity toity hotel right near the White House called the Hay - Adams. There were two weddings going on, a slew of incredibly rich looking people walking in and out, and then us...hubby looking for a bathroom and me looking worried we were going to get kicked out. Hubby did find a bathroom, and a nice one I might add, at least that is what he said.

Well, it must of been a nice bathroom. From what the host of the show said, ambassadors, celebrities and VIPs stay at that hotel and pay a pretty penny to do so. And of course with such influential guests, the hotel has to offer interior decorating of the finest. The host went on and on about how luxurious the foyer was with walnut wainscoat, how lavish the rooms were and how one of the suites even had a toilet with a seat that you could heat up as you sat on it.

All I could do was crack up as I watched the segment because my memory is not of the White House white chocolate dessert or of the little nooks where you can drop your mail off and make a call, or of the custom-made bed linens, but rather of my hubby running around the first floor ready to drop a deuce at any second. And then leaving his "mark" in one of those toilets with a heated seat...and we didn't have to pay one cent!

Today Show and Happiness

I just watched this segment on happiness on the Today Show. They were basically making the point that being happy was in your head. That you have control over being happy and not being happy. I find this very interesting because I struggle with this very emotion day in and day out.

I am very happy...at moments...with my life. Instead of keeping the momentum going I start putting barriers up and creating my own anxiety and bad moods. It is craziness. Many times I feel like if I am too happy bad things will start happening, as if I should have been more cautious with my happiness. Or I feel like I don't want to do anything that will take away the happiness because then I'll just get pissed off.

When I look back over what I have written a perfect example is Jazzercise. I was so happy to start back and everything was going to well, then Miss P got injured. Now my happiness was taken from me. As I open my eyes to how I react to things I realize I am in the driver's seat of my emotions. I could let that incident totally get me down and despise that workout facility, or I can do something to change it so I am happy again. That is hard for me. I hate confrontation when I feel hurt because I hate making someone else unhappy so I can be happy again. BUT, I did learn from a very smart man, that if your confrontation is sincere and done with love that you won't make the other person unhappy, you will just make them understand where you are coming from.

Anyhow, I plan to be more in control of my happiness. I want my baby to have a happy life with a mother who enjoys each day. Not someone who finds things wrong with her life all the time - making her OWNSELF unhappy. I am really going to try, at least!

Halloween is Coming!

Witches will be after you! Big black cats and flying bats....oooooooohhh BOO!

Halloween has always been on of my most favorite holidays, and when I saw the sign "Halloween Express Open" I almost peed my pants. Halloween Express is a cheesy Halloween store with bad costumes, BUT, it does signify that the holiday is on its way. And, of course I will be going to check it out for the sheer thrill of seeing goofy monster masks, fake stone gargoyle statues, bagged costumes, and the oh so helpful staff that just kind of stands there when you are ready to pay as if they have no IDEA they are actually working.

When I was younger my friend Keli's birthday was October 30, so I would always throw her a Halloween party and have all the friends over. We'd dress up and then go trick-or-treating. I have to be honest, I think we trick-or-treated until we were teenagers...and I completely remember the last time I went door-to-door for sweet confections.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I think we were 16 or 17 at the time.

My friend Tammi and I went to my cousin's neighborhood because it contained a plethora of houses with porch lights on ready to fill our sacks with Snickers, Starbursts and Tootsie Rolls. Tammi was dressed up like Jason from Friday the 13th and I was probably a vampire (can't even remember). We had been going door-to-door for about an hour and had SO much candy it should have been illegal. As we were walking back to my cousin's house a couple of boys snatched Tammi's bag. Now, we worked LONG and HARD to get all that candy and someone just nabbing it from us was NOT going to happen.

I ran back and got my car while Tammi chased the boys. The thing is, Tammi had one of my brother's hunting knives - just for the costume, but she was waving it in the air while she chased the thieves as if she was going to use it. I think she thought she really was a mass murderer from hell, but I am not sure.

Anyhow, I drove around trying to find her. Finally I saw her. She was standing there arguing with the boys to give her candy back to her. They finally gave it back - I think when she flashed the blade they got the hint that she wasn't joking around and needed that sugar high. The boys ran off, Tammi got in the car and we went home. I remember laughing hysterically for at least 20 minutes at the sight of Tammi chasing down boys for that bag of free candy. I laugh now because it seems so ridiculous that we were begging on Beggar's Night at an age when we should have been handing candy out instead of taking it. But, heh, you are only young once, and to tell you the truth at 30 something I'll still jump at the chance to get free candy.

Pretty crazy.

Never in my life has anything changed me like having my daughter. Not only the responsibility, but the sheer love and adoration I feel for her. And, with that adoration and love comes an intense need to make sure she is okay at all times.

The passed two days have been pretty nerve-wracking. Thursday Miss P threw a hellatious fit for two straight hours over I have no idea what. She was just bound and determined to cry and make me miserable right along with her. I couldn't do ONE thing to get her to calm down. I did have peace of mind, though. I knew she was fed, had a clean diaper, didn't have on a scratchy outfit and was warm/cool enough. At least I did my job as a provider...and then it was my job as mommy to console her. That was the hard part because I didn't know what was making her sad, and it was making me sad to see her so sad. I just cuddled her and took her outside to see the trees and birds. Finally she gave me a break and settled down. Then she was as pleasant as punch.

Friday wasn't as foggy as far as not knowing what was going on with her, it was pretty cut and dry. I knew exactly what upset her, and man did it upset me!

I took her with me to Jazzercise because they have babsitting. I looked in during the middle of my workout and noticed she was crying with a full on red face, splotches and everything. My heard just sunk. I went in to get her thinking she was just tired and was ready to go. I put her in her carrier and then I noticed what was probably causing her to cry. Her finger was gashed and all swollen. I thought it was broken.

The babysitter felt bad, but she said that the kids has been poking at her. I am thinking WHY are toddlers poking at a four month old infant? Infants can't defend themselves, that is what caregivers are for! I was so upset. More because I felt like I put her in harms way, but then I was angry because the sitters weren't keeping an eye on her. OR, this seems logical, leaving her in her carrier away from the other kids!

Anyhow, I took her to the pediatrician because her finger was bugging her and was swollen. He said that she looked as if she was bitten, but it was fine and not broken. I was so happy to hear that, but still in tears because my little girl got hurt.

My husband said I should call the owner of the facility. I need to because that is the responsible thing to do, and hopefully will keep the sitters more aware of what is going on the room. I mean, God forbid someone's kid gets really injured by another child and the mother goes ballistic. Luckily I'm cool, a little dramatic sometimes...but pretty cool.

Excercise can be fun?

Okay, so I am finally in the mode to workout again!! Yay for me!

I joined Jazzercise this week...well, actually rejoined. I quit a year and half ago to workout at a gym - bad move. The gym I was going to was such a sterile atmosphere with a bad paint job and full of testosterone. The classes were your basic aerobics or step with little imagination or enthusiasm. I don't think I ever saw a smile on a girl's face when I walked in for class. When I got pregnant it was easy to slack off and eventually quit my membership. At Jazzercise women are chatting, smiling and laughing no matter what time of the day it is and are clearly happy to be there. I like that positivity. It really puts me in a good mood, plus gets me excited to workout.

I have been jazzercising for a very long time now, off and one for almost 20 years. Yes, I started when I was around twelve years old. I am impressed with how it has stayed around and spread across the nation. It is a lot of fun, so I am not surprised. I thought it would be more difficult to go since I have Miss P, but my location offers FREE babysitting. I have been twice this week and the women who have been watching the children are friendly and I trust them with my child. They all seem to have children of their own and understand a mom's need to get an hour to herself.

Today I did regular Jazzercise. I am pretty sure I will be sore tomorrow. The instructor focused on our thighs, butt and inner thighs the whole time, which is good since that is the biggest area on my body at this point in time. I saw a friend of mine, chatted with someone I knew from before and chitchatted with a few other women who were incredibly sweet. I think I'll stick with it this time. If not only to get into my size 8's, but to enjoy some time to myself and meet new friends.

Worry...

I have come to the realization that the bain of my existence is that small little thing called worry. I get concerned over EVERYTHING and it is driving me nuts. My hubby and I had a conversation about it yesterday and figured out that my bad moods, sore neck, fear of my own demise, overeating, and headaches all stem from worry.

I don't know if it is my hormones still working through my body after giving birth, or the sheer madness I feel being a first time mother...I don't know, but it consumes me.

Here are the silly things, and some not so silly things, that torment me:

-All things baby - will I accidentally drop her, is she eating enough, is she sleeping enough, why is she crying, did I forget to wash my hands before picking her up, will she choke on her spit....you get the point.
-If I get up at 7am with the baby, when will I get to nap so I am not a total bitch when my husband comes home.
-I want to start exercising, but will I need to get new shoes.
-I go to drive somewhere and freak out over the possibility of someone hitting my car.
-I make dinner, but will I overcook it and will my hubby like it.
-Will I read something incorrectly on my prof's syllabus and turn something in late.

The list could go on and on. I really need to stop it!!

Maybe it is because I have more time on my hands to think than I did when I was working. Staying home with baby gives me some quiet moments, and I should cherish those and use them to my benefit instead of thinking of things that will probably never happen!!

Shopgirl...diary or novella?

Hubby and I watched an indy film called Shopgirl written by Steve Martin (yes, that JERK). Clare Daines starred and Jason Swartzman (that hairy bastard) also starred in the movie.

It was basically about a girl who moved to LA and met a penniless pauper who was into her and a rich no-good who pretended to be into her. The rich no-good was played by Steve Martin. His character was very romantic, swept Clare right off her feet, bought her gorgeous clothing and jewelry, and had sex with her ALL the time. Then he dumped her like last night's garbage when he was through.

This sounds oh-so-exciting, doesn't it? Well, not really, the movie was kind of slow and the dialogue wasn't exceptional by any stretch of the means, but the movie kept us interested...by our own speculation.

It almost seemed like the movie was an "I'm Sorry" message from Stevie to a little Saks Fifth Avenue make-up counter hussy. Not, I am not trying to make up some conspiracy theory or anything, just reading between the lines. And the message seems to be very obvious, if you really care to think about it. Here goes:

-The movie was a novella written by Stevie himself, directed and starred in by Stevie himself as well.
-He narrated some parts of the movie...the narration is written to tell the story, but the things he says are like he is talking to the viewer trying to send a little message.
-And the turn of events are too REAL, but not done in a cool way like "Lost in Translation."

Maybe the little hussy he cheated on his wife with said, "I'll tell if you don't make a movie about what happened with us." OR "I want to be in the movie," and the little hussy was really Clare Daines. OR maybe it is just a movie and Stevie was trying to be clever and it just didn't work.

I don't know...like I wrote above, just speculation.

Shopping is for the birds.

So, why is it when you shop for something specific that you want to add to your wardrobe you can NEVER find it?

We have a friend who is a professional photographer, and as a gift for bringing Miss P into the world she was giving us a family session for free. I asked her what she thought we should wear. Her advice was terrific. Put everyone in something timeless so when you look back it isn't a dated picture (I remember how cool I thought I looked in the 80's with my big hair and neon rubber bracelets...now I am ashamed. ha!). Anyhow, she suggested jeans and a neutral shirt.

Given this advice, I decided jeans and white shirts for the units, and a denim skirt with a cute onsie for the babe. Easy, right?

NOPE.

All I needed was a white shirt for my hubby, jeans for me and a little denim dress for Miss P. You would think that would be an easy shopping trip. It was a Scion ride through hell is what it was. I started out excited thinking, "oooh, I am going to look so cute, hubby will get a new trendy white shirt and Miss P will look adorable in anything denim." It started off like that, and as I was going through Filene's (typically has EVERYTHING) I realized, shit, I am going to have to go somewhere else...and probably to Babies R Us (don't get me wrong, their stuff is cute, but I didn't want an outfit I was going to see on 10 other babies the same day). I ended up going store to store in an endless sea of strip mall to come to the realization that I wasn't going to find a thing. I did get jeans for $15 - that was sheer luck...and considering I am a size 14 NOW and feel like a huge fat ass, that should have been enough to make me happy. Yet, alas, it was not.

Finding an all white shirt that wasn't a typical polo or an undershirt was impossible, and the baby denim outfits were metzo metzo. I was feeling a bit pissed off, and worried that my baby was starving for the boob only made matters worse. The trip ended with one pair of $15 jeans, two okay baby outfits and NO white shirt.

I got home and hubby had pulled clothing out of Miss P's closet. Low and behold, she already had some CUTE things that were given to us. He also had a white shirt he found in Narnia, and I had a cute new pair of jeans that make me look...well, like the size I am, just cuter.

Wow, did I feel better. Now that the photoshoot is over, I laugh a little at the things I was worried about...