Books

I hope my child's love of books continues through school and life. She just loves them. It is wonderful for me to watch because I love books, too, and I love to read to her. The funny thing is that since she is so little she likes to read the same books over and over again. I have heard that toddlers like to do that, but whew - it is seriously true. She loves Go Dog Go, and Old Macdonald farm book we have, another farm book that has peek-a-boo animals and of course, Miss Spider. She also loves any peek-a-boo book, Dora books, numbers books and books that show pictures of real things. I spoke with my local librarian and she suggested non-fiction books about animals. Many of the books have short sentences similar to how board books are written.

The passed few nights she has even fallen asleep with a book in her arms like a lovie. I tried to take it away but she'd wake up crying for it. So, I just let her go to bed with the book. The next morning I have no idea when she woke up because I just heard her "reading" in her crib. Whenever I have her come upstairs with me she heads straight for her room and sits down with her books. She pulls them all out so they are surrounding her and she just goes from picture to picture, book to book.

At storytime yesterday a mother commented on how attentive P was while the librarian read her a book. She asked her age and couldn't believe it. She said her child just runs around like crazy with no focus - I said, well, that is what we did this morning, she must just be tired out! haha.

Dogs

I cannot believe the news I have heard about dogs biting or attacking children. My sis-in-law shared this story: http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070913/NEWS06/709130386/1001/NEWS

It is frightening that a dog can attack without warning - even if it was a loving, wonderful pet that never hurt a fly and then suddenly decides to attack. It scares me because I go walking with P and let her play on the kid's gym at the park. At that particular park many people do not leash their dogs because they let them run with them or let them play in the creek. One time a big lab came right up to the stroller and kept licking P in the face. I couldn't get to the dog quick enough to stop it (and I was RIGHT behind the stroller)...what if that was a dog that wanted to bite her? I wouldn't not have been quick enough to stop the dog. And, they say dogs always go for kids' heads and faces first. I laughed because P laughed and the dog was just licking her, but after I thought about it I was kind of angry because that dog should have been leashed. I mean, I don't let my kid run around and hit those people's dogs and throw toys at them? Why should they let their dog come right up to my child and lick her or God forbid, bite her?

My two dogs (miniature schnauzers) were not friendly towards P at all when she was a little baby, and now that she is a toddler they are better. I basically trained them to know that P was their boss just like I am their boss. Even if she is playing in her babyway they have to deal with it. I do not even tolerate a small growl. And, I am not opposed to smacking my dogs if they are out of line. Some people think that is awful, but I don't really care. Would you rather have my dog bite your kid or me to smack them when they are doing something really bad?

I am calling my city office today to complain about the dog and leash law. I am pretty sure in my state that all dogs need to be on leashes. There is a dog park not far from here where people can let their dogs run off leash and run wild with other dogs. I don't even think it costs money. So, if someone is hell bent on letting their dog play off leash they can take them there. I never walk my dogs off leash just for the mere thought of them hurting someone because they are just being dogs...and they are not even a foot tall.

Music!

P's music lessons have started again. They took a hiatus in August until September 10, and we really missed going! P has so much fun and I think she is learning many new things that I could have never taught her at home.

It is funny. Everytime I tell people my 16 month old is in music class they immediately respond with, "what do they do, pluck the violin or something?" or some silly comment like that. Actually, they are playing Mozart on the baby piano and singing Faust's opera all while dancing a small rendition of Swan Lake. Okay, okay, so I get a little tired of that comment. Really, though, it a great thing for babies/children.

The class size is about 20 mothers and their children. We sing songs, play bouncing games, do movement activities and they get to play with instruments like bells and shaky eggs. It is a terrific way to get them to learn rythm, rhyming, sounds, letters, and understand the difference between walking, running and going in circles vs. just dancing around feeling the music. I love it, and P really loves it.

After class the music teacher always gives them what she refers to as "La-Las." A La-La is a stamp with musical notes that she puts on the back of each of their tiny hands. P refers to her La-La the rest of the day. So cute. Anyhow, Friday the teacher told me that P makes her day. She said she just brightens up her whole morning because when she looks at her P is always making a cute face or interacting with her as she teaches. The teacher said she just adores her. It was a very proud moment for me. I was so tickled she recognized my darling P out of all the other children. It made MY whole day...well, my whole weekend. :)

Am I teaching my kid "drinking" lessons?

Today I realized I am teaching P how to be a master drinker...I guess all those years of shooting random purple hooters and tequila have trained me to put everything in "college drinking context." haha.

I was giving my darling P her vitamins and she really hates the taste, so I have been telling her to "chase" them with her milk. I was just now aware that perhaps I should phrase that a little better. I would hate for her to go to school and tell her friends she "chases her peas with a cold one" or "I shoot my apple juice." ugh.

Handing my daughter her sippy as a chaser is just a little too...weird...even for me.

A sense of timing?

I often wonder if my darling P has the perfect sense of timing or if it is a coincidence. It seems as if everytime I am in a situation where it is next to impossible for me to lean over and pick something up, that is the time when the sippy cup is thrown, the lovie falls to the ground, the snack is cried for or she lets the dog out the front door to run into the street. It is almost comical at times.

For instance, today I have all of our things gathered to go to storytime: my purse, her sippy, a snack for after, overdue books and my child in my arms. I am ready to get out the door and realize the diaper needs changed. Can't have a baby in a stinky diaper and even fathom changing a toddler's poopy pants in the library....ewe. So, she is changed, all the things gathered up and now we are just going to make it. I am getting everything situated in my arms to unlock the door and the sippy gets thrown across the room. Of course, if I don't get it she will cry for it and then want a drink keeping us from running errands after storytime. So, I put some things down and go pick up the sippy. Get everything gathered - again - and open the door and darn it if the car seat isn't sitting on the front porch. I put the seat in my mom's car last night while she watched her. I forgot to put it back in after class.

So, I have to put everything down again. Make sure P doesn't run for the road and proceed to quickly, yet safely, put the seat in the car. Finally, I think, I am off. Put the books in the car, purse in the car, seat in the car, chase down child and put her in the seat and remember I forgot my cell phone. Luckily, all I had to do was take the keys out of the ignition, run inside and take the phone off the charger. I prefer to keep the phone with me when I am driving places in case something happens....especially with a baby in the car.

Now, we are off to storytime. It was only 10am and I was ready for a nap.

Spinach for breakfast?

Well, heck yes, spinach for breakfast. Just as long as you can't taste it. Thanks to The Sneaky Chef cookbook Miss P has eaten spinach for breakfast for two days in a row...and doesn't even know it! Plus, I get a vege in so I don't have to stress about it for lunch.

This cookbook has really been a lifesaver. Miss P is still only eating pureed or milled veges; she will not eat little pieces. I have a babyfood mill by Kidco, but it only does individual servings. I wanted to come up with some of way of making batch veges that could go in just about anything or be eaten alone. The Sneaky Chef gives great ideas and offers great, healthy recipes. I have a whole tray of carrots and sweet potatoes in the freezer that are ready to spread on grilled cheese, add to meatloaf, to spaghetti sauce, etc. There are a variety of purees that you can even add to brownies (store-bought mix or from scratch). She teaches you how to make strawberry and blueberry juice to add to milk (for kids who are little bit older I would assume-I don't add ANYTHING to P's milk right now. I have a friend who added Quick to her baby's milk to get her to drink it and it ended up giving the child eight cavities by the time she was 2!), jello or oatmeal.

I may be a bit fanatical when it comes to my kid's diet, but I DO not want her to be one of those obese teens. I was heavy in middle-school and my life was hell - I will do everything in my power so my child doesn't have to experience it. I really think my life would be different if I didn't have those horrible childhood teasings and learned to make good food choices on my own. Hopefully, what I am doing will pay off in the end. I try to eat well, too, so I am an example. And I just pray there aren't low-rise jeans and mid-drif shirts as the fashion for teen girls....oh jeez...one more thing to worry about....

Who knew the zoo....

The zoo is so relaxing...well, not the actual zoo, but hubby taking Miss P to the zoo so I can have the day to myself is quite restful. Although, I have to admit, I am rather nervous about hubby taking off with his friend and his girls for a full day outing. I prepared him as much as possible and the rest is out of my hands. Everytime the phone rings I get really anxious thinking it is him with some horrible story of how an elephant got loose and trampled my darling P in her stroller or how a flamingo bit off her right toe. I need to just calm down and know that I have to trust in daddy and his instincts to take good care of our daughter.

I couldn't imagine going off to work and leaving her in his hands all day. How do women do it? I would be a total stresscase, I am sure, for a very long time until hubby proved he could manage on his own. I guess that is the nature of being overly protective and a bit controlling on my part.

My day is pretty full. I actually got the floors swept and mopped, laundry done, a shower and some long overdue photos of P up on Flickr in less than two hours. As soon as I finish up here I am off to the library to get some studying done. I absolutely need to send in some of my assignments for my independent study classes. I am pretty sure the professors have no idea I exist at this point in time...or think I dropped. Being sick with baby #2 earlier this summer put me extremely behind on schoolwork. Oh well, it'll get done. I just need time to focus, which today the zoo allowed me to do.

Too Hard on Myself

I think I am too hard on myself when it comes to being a mommy. It isn't like I am trying to prove something or send in my application for "Mother of the Year," but I find that if I take a little time for myself, let her cry for more than 15 minutes to go to sleep or skip her vege at lunch I am not doing my job. I carry a huge amount of stress and guilt around with me much of the day. Now, some of this could be hormones because of being pregnant for baby #2, but I can't blame all of it on that.

I think part of it is that she is getting older and much more able to play by herself, and many times prefers to play alone. Maybe I am the one having a hard time with it and she could care less. Motherhood is a lot harder to figure out than what kind of spin to put on a PR story and all the project planning and follow-up put together. It is amazing how EASY my 8-5 job was compared to bringing up baby.

It is quite encouraging to have the friends and family I have who did/do stay home with their children. They have great advice to share and make for good company who is understanding of the fact that I have to leave when it is naptime. I also love the fact that each of them has their own goals and amibitions, and a life before baby. It would be really hard if all I was surrounded by was early 20- somethings who just graduated from college and got married and pregnant.

Oh well - just trying to get through this little depression I am going through right now that I am sure is hormone-induced.

Dog Food

I made the mistake of leaving the dog food and water down after P ate her breakfast. I currently have two very happy dogs eating their food off the floor and a very happy child throwing it all over the kitchen. I don't mind the food as much as the water. When she dumps the water she and the floor need completely cleaned up, which takes about half an hour. Everything takes about half an hour to an hour these days. haha!

Now she has decided that throwing the dog food down the stairs into the basement is fun. I am going to have to stop that. She has started carrying a plastic boon (translation: spoon) around with her. I guess that is to eat the dog food she spread all over the place.

Mama's girl

Miss P is still screaming in her crib right now when she is supposed to be sleeping. We have been going through this for a week now during naps and when she is supposed to go to bed for the night. We read a few books and then rock - the ritual takes 45 minutes to one hour sometimes. It is getting crazy.

She will be fast asleep and as soon as I lay her down in her crib she wakes up and starts screaming. Then I let her scream until I can't take it anymore and I get her and rock her again. She falls fast asleep when I rock her, and then when I go to let her down she starts screaming again. Currently, she is beside herself and has been screaming for 15 minutes. It is so hard as her mom to hear her cry without going to her, but I have to let her cry and go to sleep.

For one, today she is exhausted. She needs a nap. Two, I have to finish my reading for class tonight - and I am so exhausted that if I wasn't reading I'd need a nap, too.

I guess I just have to play hardball and let her keep crying until she falls asleep. She at least will have to stay in her crib until I get my reading finished for class- her naptime is the only time I get to myself.

It is a BOY!

We went for our ultrasound today and found out we were going to have a little boy. What am I going to do with a boy?!

At first, the doctor thought it was a girl. But, as he measured the baby moved and the doctor caught an angle that made it very obvious it was not a girl. When he said it was a girl I was so happy because I really wanted a sister for P...of course, I would have been happy for a boy, too. Hubby was happy it was a girl for me, but when he saw that it was a boy he got really choked up and teared up a bit. It was really cool to see him that overwhelmed with joy. Hubby's first comment was that now he had someone to play videogames with....uhmmm...not sure how I feel about that.

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed but after giving it some thought I am very excited. Part of it is that I haven't even met this little soul, yet, so I don't have a connection with him. I definitely love him already because he is growing inside me and I can feel him move around. He is a mover and a shaker - I love that he makes his presence known all the time.

My friend is pulling together clothes from her little boy to send up. Thankfully, I have a friend who has boy's clothes I can use/have to get me through his first few months. I have been very fortunate with P because my cousin has two girls and has let me borrow a ton of clothes for her.

Well, I am looking forward to decorating a nursery for a boy and to think of boy names. It should be a lot of fun. I am especially excited for P to have a baby brother on the way. We are such a lucky family. I thank God everyday for the my family and the love we have for each other.

Posting twice today

I just read that only 5% of babies are born on their due date (www.americanpregnancy.org). P was born at 1:17am on May 1...her due date. What a special girl. :)

So excited!

Tomorrow morning I go in for my 2nd ultrasound (actually my 3rd because I got a 2nd one "on the house"). I am going to find out what the sex of the baby is and can barely wait. I have been feeling him/her moving away in there all week. It is so cool. I don't remember P moving this much, but then again I probably didn't know what to feel or thought it was gas.

Almost everyone is betting on a boy, but that is what everyone said last time and we now have Miss P. I am hoping for a girl and am really feeling like it is a girl...but, we shall see! I really want P to have a sister.

Started Class

I just started my Tuesday night class, which means I am gone from 5:30p to 9p every Tuesday until Dec. 4. My mom is watching Miss P until hubby gets home from work. P is crazy about her Grandma and goes so far as to push me away when Grandma is holding her. It is quite humerous and reminds me of my relationship with my Grandma when I was little. My Grandma was the light of my life and my best friend. She was funny, fun, loving, caring, easy going and most of all gave me tons of attention. It was great.

Anyhoo....I called hubby on my break to see if he had eaten dinner and to let him know that I was indeed going to be in class until 8:40p that evening. Then I called again when I was leaving to see if he had put P to bed or was in the process of doing it. He told me that she was waiting for me to come home. I guess she kept saying Mommy and looking around for me - out the window and everything! I thought it was funny, and unbelievable that her little mind was processing the need to wait for me, but then I realized how difficult she can be when she gets beside herself and felt bad for her and hubby. Of course, secretly it made me super happy to know she wanted me.

When I got home and walked up the driveway I caught her eye through the window. I could see her marching in place with a big smile saying Mommy, Mommy. It was the cutest thing! She ran up to me with a huge smile on her face and arms in the air for me to pick her up. What a greeting. How lucky can I be?

I can see!

I haven't figured out if she likes it or not, but Miss P's carseat got change to forward-facing this passed weekend. It makes me so sad, but I knew it was time. Everything I read said that babies need to be 20 pounds and one year old. Well, she is over one and still not 20 pounds. I spoke with my pediatrician and he said that it is not so much the weight that is concerning, it is the head control. So, technically, I could have changed her around months ago.

This is just one more step my baby is taking towards growing up...and darn if it doesn't happen fast. I mean in less than 15 months she more than doubled her height and weight, she is feeding herself, she went from scooting to walking to running, she says actual words instead of just crying and she does funny things to get a reaction. That is a TON of things to accomplish is less than a year and a half if you ask me. I mean, I didn't even get my first real promotion at work until I was there two years...and I was by no means doing something as important at learning how to talk or walk.

She is really great at playing by herself. I am very happy about this because with baby #2 coming I won't have the one-on-one time for her like I do now. I really need to take advantage of this time; however, I do not want her to get "mommy-play-hooked" and have to depend on me for her entertainment. That would be not be a good thing. Yesterday I took her to the babysitting play area at our recreation center so I could work out. I was worried she would freak out with me leaving her and being in a new place. Quite the contrary, she seemed to really like it. When I picked her up she was off by herself exploring the vast amounts of toys they provide for the kids. The other three children were screaming and crying for mommy...not my girl. She liked her independence...similar to her mommy I suppose....

Never thought...

Okay, so, would you ever think that someone taking spaghetti smearing it all over the table, throwing it and then mushing into their own hair and all over their face would be cute? Generally, I would have to give that a big thumbs down. However, when I gave Miss P her pasta dinner that is just what she did, darn if I didn't beam with smiles and laughs. So cute that I even have to share it here and so cute that I had to take her picture.

Shoes

So, I am breaking down and buying a pair of Stride Rites. I went to my community center today and I have to have hard-soled shoes on Miss P to leave her in the playroom, so I figured I guess it is time to make the small investment in my child's feet. Now, I totally trust my pediatrician and really prefer the little moccasin-type shoes like Jack and Jill and Robeez, but they do not offer that protection if baby is walking on rocks or little toys that happen to be in their way.

I went to Stride Rite and had her fitted. It was hard finding a pair I really liked because they were all too cute, so P made the decision for me. She actually looked at a pair I hadn't even considered and made the mmm.mmm..mmm sound she makes when she wants me to hand her something. Out of all the shoes there that particular pair caught her eye and she didn't want to give the display shoe back to me. So, those are the ones we chose. The girl knows what she wants, what can I say. I went up to pay and forgot my wallet and had to put them on hold. I plan to get them today. They are super cute - a light maroon-type pink with flowers on the eyeholes. They should go with everything, even red.

I am really happy with the decision to go to Stride Rite because they knew how to measure her, how to watch her walk in them and gave me pointers on when she should wear them and when to watch for when she needs a bigger size. I would never have been able to do that on my own with this first child. Now, #2 will probably just get hand-me-downs.....hopefully...if it is another girl. Pray for me! hahah!

What do you feed a one year old?

Oh, the most perplexing question I have asked myself in ages. I have never spent so much time trying to think through breakfast, lunch and dinner meals than I do when trying to figure out what to fix my pint sized human. My daughter is really good about eating anything, except now she turns her nose up to vegetables...adding more stress to my already bulging head. What do I do? I asked my pediatrician. He said - oh just add them to stews, sauces - just hide in them in what you fix her.

Well, I don't exactly fix her stews and as far as sauces, should I be mixing up a fresh spaghetti sauce or gravy for each meal? This may sound simple to many people, but I am no cook, and what I do cook is pretty simple. So, I just I'll just have to go with my gut instinct...or buy the book: The Sneaky Chef. I'll just use her ideas since they seem to work for her children.

All in all, though, I think I do pretty good feeding her. I do, however, want more variety in her little diet. She gets the food pyramid each day if I can help it, and eats really well. I just want her to start eating her vegetables without having to be coaxed.

Busy, busy

When my family and friends said that toddlers are busy and I'd have my hands full I didn't really believe them. I thought that P was a pretty relaxed, laid back child....well, I was certainly wrong. I cannot keep up with her! Doing the dishes or even typing a simple email is a chore.

She is into the dog bowls dumping water all over herself (poor dogs, I can only put their dishes down when she is napping or when she goes to bed), getting into the dog food bin and throwing food all over the kitchen, digging through the trash and playing with banana peels (GROSS!), tossing the remote across the room to our brand new HDTV, trying to get the gate down to climb the stairs, going through papers or mail and ripping it apart, getting ahold of my keys and hiding while hitting the panic button so the horn goes off endlessly, calling people on my cell or logging onto the internet costing us extra money each month, going through my purse and pulling everything out - whew! and the list can go on. Now, I am sure if anyone reads this they will think, "well, why don't you watch your child?" The thing is, I AM watching her all the time, and she still gets away with all of this!!! I will literally run upstairs to pee for 2 minutes and come down to what looks like a tornado hit the house or the dogs eating who knows what.

As I write this I am laughing because I really don't mind the mess or the cleaning it up. It is actually pretty funny to see what she will get into next. She likes to chase the dogs around with things that scare them and watch them run and bark at her. It is quite amusing. Luckily, the dogs are small and they can't really hurt anything when they get all wound up. P comes over to inform me of how she is teasing the dogs and thinks she is so cute doing it.

I am looking forward to after I have the baby so I more energy to keep up with her and play with her. By then, though, I'll have two to keep up with and will have to really suck up being tired. Sounds like fun to me! ...probably torture to others. Gotta run, she's up the stairs!

Trying to get it together

Now that I am feeling better, I want to cram all the summer activities I missed throughout June and July. Summer is coming to an end and although we have done some fun things, I feel like I have missed out on going to the pool and other summer activities because I was laying on the couch the first half of summer. I'll tell ya, having babies certainly cuts your social life in half....well, let's be realisic, your social life is pretty limited. I have been comfortable taking P just about anywhere, but there are only so many "adult" things you can do with a baby. For instance, my favorite pub - yeah, found out that it isn't really kid- friendly. BUMMER!!

Now, writing that, I also have to write that I wouldn't change it for the world. My little P is my precious angel who makes me smile all the time. I don't know anything or anyone else who can do that. She is walking now and jabbering more and more. She knows the names of many animals and has her favorite books memorized. She loves books. We go to the library all the time to freshen her collection.

She is a little blondie with blue eyes. We still can't figure out where the blonde hair came from. Hubby keeps saying it's the mailman, but we have a mail lady so his guess is wrong. I am excited to meet the new addition and see what differences and similarities he/she has with P.

Can family really brighten your life?

Sometimes I wonder about that question because so many people have issues with their family members. Of course, as the old saying goes: "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." I believe that is telling us that we hang out with the people we choose to hang out with rather than people we are obliged to hang out with...hence, family members.

I think that is a little rough. But, I think part of it is that you are supposed to just accept the people who are your family whether you like it or not. That really isn't very fair, but it is the way it is. The great thing is that these people who may get under your skin or irritate the heck out of you would do anything in the world for you. Kind of strange, huh? I have friends who I just tolerate, so I don't really hang out with them. I have some family I just tolerate and I see them often.

Luckily, I pretty much like everyone in my family. They are all very loving people who think a lot of my husband, child and me. We don't really have any awful people in the horde - just some who make some dumb choices.

On a lighter note - my darling P is walking. She is my little explorer getting into everything she can. Currently, she is stuck behind the chair crying her eyes out for a little help. I better run before she hurts herself.

Morning Sickness

I haven't written in a while because I have been really sick with this pregnancy. I am starting to feel a TON better! whoo hoo. I can actually eat and not think about how I want to spend the next 20 minutes in the bathroom getting rid of it or laying on the couch the rest of the night dreading the fact that food makes me totally sick, but it is the only thing that also makes me feel better. Kind of strange, huh? I could barely go into the grocery store much less make myself a sandwich, but eating was the way I would actually get rid of the nausea feeling.

I am so sick of crackers, Special K and Cheerios, Mac - n- Cheese and baked potatoes...oh, and believe it or not, pepperoni pizza (I have heard of other pregnant women wanting pizza when they were sick, too). Finally, I am able to eat some cheese, peanut butter, fruit and some veges. Meat still sounds terrible to me, but I know eating some iron and protein would definitely boost my energy. And, my favorite food is finally staying down - chocolate! I can't eat much of it, which is actually a blessing because my butt doesn't need it.

Miss P and I walk almost everyday. I want to be sure I stay somewhat in shape during this pregnancy. I also lift weights - but nothing too drastic because you are supposed to be a little careful with lifting things. I also can't wait to get back to eating normally and making healthy choices. I really want to go back to eating a really healthy diet - besides, the only way hubby will eat healthy is if I fix healthy food, so I really need to be concious of the food I buy and make. I just feel like I have eaten nothing but crap when I can eat these passed three months. I really couldn't help it, though. Being pregnant certainly does weird things to your body - it is hard to deal with, but all in all it is a pretty cool thing.

I am finally excited about baby #2...now that he or she isn't making me want to vomit all day and night. I am just so happy Miss P will have a sibling to play with, and I hope it is a girl. I always wanted a sister and I am envious of my friends who have sisters. I would love to have had a best friend that knew me since I was a baby. But, if it is a boy I will love him, too. Really, I am like every other mother - just give me a healthy baby that I can love and nurture and help grow into a respectable, responsible citizen.

Next summer I already have plans to drink martinis or good wine on a patio somewhere.

Whew!

Okay, so I am pregnant with baby #2 and have been as sick as a dog. On top of the nausea that most preggo women feel I have a terrible head cold. I am truly miserable. I feel so bad for Miss P because I don't have the energy - emotionally or physically - to give her the attention I feel she deserves. I know she is fine, but things are just so different right now and I am having a hard time coping.

The hardest part is that my job never stops. If I was working and was sick I'd just call off and spend the day in bed. You can't do that with a baby. You are on the job 24/7 and just have to suck it up. I think that is probably good because it makes you deal with your sickness and not just lay around and complain...like I am now.

We are so excited to have a sibling for P. We saw the little heartbeat on Friday and received the due date, which is Jan. 22. I was really nervous going in, scared that we may not have a healthy growing baby. I am so happy it was just fear from past experience and nothing was wrong...and that it wasn't twins. I feel good about the pregnancy - I mean, I know things will be just fine. Especially, once I get passed the first trimester sickness.

Miss P is growing up so quickly. She isn't walking, yet, but she is climbing on everything. I have to keep a close eye on her because she is up the stairs in a flash or climbing the entertainment center. She talks constantly and points things out. It is so cute. I am struggling with the food thing - but that'll pass.

Sounds stupid

My Ohio History class is finally over and my speech class ends next Wednesday. As odd as it sounds, I am really sad that these two classes are over. Mainly because so much happened during the time I was in them.

When I signed up I was worried because I was going to Florida to visit Sheilah while she was down there, and that was my first trip traveling by plane with the baby. When I got to Florida I saw how sick Sheilah was and was completely shocked. She couldn't get up off of the couch and looked like she weighed 90 pounds. Now, the last time I saw her she was wearing a size 12 or 14, so it was unbelievable to me that she got that thin. You can talk to people on the phone and realize they are feeling so well, but you truly do not know until you actually are faced with seeing them.

My friend Kelly Long went with me and helped with Miss P. Thankfully, because there is no way I could have traveled through the airport by myself. Have her there for moral support was awesome, too. Nursing the baby in public was kind of hard for me and I was really apprehensive about it. I didn't have the best experience with it, either. People weren't the nicest or the most accomodating. I was pissed because it was like I was doing something "wrong" by feeding my child. The worst was the Atlanta airport. I was seriously ready to kill someone. They said I HAD to nurse P in the bathroom. I wrote to the airport and voice my dissatisfaction with their airport.

Then when we got back from Florida two weeks later we left for Boston. Sheilah took a turn for the worse...as if that was possible at the time. The outlook was grim and we knew we had to get out there. We spent 5 days in Boston and then two weeks in Rhode Island. Sheilah passed Feb. 6 and we stayed until the following Monday because of the funeral and arrangements and such. It was difficult leaving the family because everyone was so fragile. Hubby is still have a difficult time with depression and a loss. I really think he should go to a support group or something for grieving....it is that bad.

Miss P had her first birthday. She got four teeth during the duration of my classes and is officially weaned. It makes me sad that she is no longer nursing, but it had to happen one of these days! She doesn't seem to mind too much. She is a little needier than usual, but I am sure that will pass. She is also showing signs of standing on her own - not just pulling up with help, but actually standing from a sitting position. Oh goodness, she will be a menace. She is already into everything.

My dad is much better with his heart and my mom is doing okay with her knees. She is still in pain and can't walk that far, but she is doing okay.

We got a new car. A Mazda 5. It has much more room and is really easy to get P in and out of. Well, before the baby has a meltdown I better sign off.

Television

Miss P is watching her Baby Einstein Neighborhood Animals DVD. Now, I know she technically is not supposed to be watching tv, but she seems to really enjoy it. Plus, I can get some laundry done, wash the dogs or mop the floor....things that are really hard to do with a 13 month old into everything.

I decided to just watch her to see if she actually got anything out of it. It seems as if she does. She got all excited when the puppets came on and then she started saying the names of the animals she knew when they came on screen. The cat came up and she said "cat" and then "meow, meow." I found out she knows the word for "mouse," too. It is so cute how babies love animals.

I took her to the aquarium today to see the fish. There was a little boy feeding the Koi (sp?). She thought that was pretty cool and was beaming from ear to ear as the fish came up for a nibble. Unfortunately, mama was out of quarters. They had a couple of stingrays, too. One of them kept coming up the side of the tank and part of the way out of the tank to say "hello." It was kind of cool, but then he kept doing it. I think it wanted us to take it home. Well, after what happened to the crocodile hunter I am anti-stingray for a while...even though they are pretty cool looking.

We saw all types of fish and coral and anemon. Sponge Bob wasn't there...that was a little disappointing.

Cracks me up

My child cracks me up. She loves to get under things. Under the table, under her highchair, under her exersaucer, under the blanket - it is so funny. Everytime I do laundry she gets into and spreads it all over the living room...go figure. Well, she got ahold of my bra and decided it was a really cool play thing.

She carried my bra around for the afternoon, dragging it here and there. She got under, or more like "into" her exersaucer and dragged my bra with her. I was laughing so hard at her. I tried to take my bra away and she cried and cried like she needed to have that bra.

For Memorial Day we went to Grandma and Grandpa's. P had fun playing with her cousins. They kept getting into the dog cage and playing around and screaming at each other as loudly as they could. Carlye kept trying to pick her up, but since she is only three she isn't that big herself. P pretty much just ended up rolling around with her on the ground as Carlye tried to get her into a sitting position. It is great that P has them to play with.

That brings me to how social P is. She kept wanting to go to her Grandma, Aunt Carol and Candyce. I guess she was tired of her mommy. That was really nice to see, though. She doesn't just need me to comfort her.

How did I get so lucky?

Miss P and I went to the Farmer's Market this morning to look at the plants and homemade food. I don't think she was really into going when I got her dressed this morning. She kept grabbing at her toys and books - anything to keep from putting her clothes on. I think she just wanted to play and have me read to her.

I can't believe when I watch her how intelligent she seems. I mean, it is so cool to see that her toy of choice is books. She loves to look at the pictures and point at the things on the page so I can tell her what they are. Animals are her favorite, especially when I make the sounds of the animals. She now points to a cat and says cat "meow." She also does a sheep "baaaa." It is so stinkin' cute.

I believe she will be a talker. When we went to the park yesterday all she did was babble. I am not sure if she was talking to me or just talking to talk. She can say all sorts of things. Here are a few things on her list that I understand:

Drink
Mama
Dada
Dog
Piper
Potty
Train
Tree
Bird
Cat
Meow
Bottle
Snack
Shhhh
Bye-bye
Book
Bath
Teddy

My angel

It is so weird to see my baby exerting her own little desires and annoyances. The whole time she was a little baby (younger than 10 months) she pretty much was easy going and let me know what she wanted, but if I couldn't understand her it was no big deal. But, that has changed. The days of mommy not understanding and being passive about it are over. Now, if I don't "get" what she is saying to me she gets mad and squeals contorting her face into a look of sheer dissatisfaction.

Miss P has officially come out of the the box of just letting the world happen and observing to making things happen for herself. She teases the dog, she hides, she scoots away from if I am about to take her favorite toy away, she points and tells me what she wants more of to eat, and she brings over the books she wants me to read to her. It is amazing. It makes me a little sad because she is definitetly not a "baby" any longer, but a baby going into toddlerhood. Luckily, she still loves when I hold her and kiss her and doesn't get mad at me if I just want to cuddle her. She is my little angel.

What a pair

I was walking Miss P yesterday in the park and I went to sit on a park bench to point out the trees, the cars and the other dogs. Miss P also needed a drink of water because it was quite hot yesterday.

As I turned the stoller to face me, I looked at my darling child in her stoller and she had the hugest booger hanging out of her nose. Not only a huge booger, but her face was a mess. She had left-over food from dinner smeared on her cheek, her eye and all in her hair. I thought I had wiped her face clean, but obviously I missed a bunch of spots! I also noticed she has dirty fingernails from playing outside and because she scoots her butt was filthy! I sat there laughing thinking my goodness, no wonder that person just looked and smiled at me that smile. He must of thought mom had a rough day and just looked at the baby as proof.

The fact is, I didn't have a rough day. I meerly pulled a typical mom maneuver - missing several spots of filth on my baby's face because she's a baby, she doesn't sit still to be cleaned. She'll barely sit still for me to get the apple smear from her forehead much less cleaning her whole face. Now, I have to admit, Miss P is a good girl and very patient. Usually I do get to all the spots, but somehow they show up again and again. Almost like a trick candle that no matter how many times you blow on it, it stays lit.

To top off the filth of my daughter I smelled horrible! I knew I was sweating all day from being outside at the park with some of my mommy friends and taking our after-dinner walk, but c'mon, I showered earlier and applied deoderant TWice!

I guess we were fit to just stick together yesterday, and had a smell and a filth about us that warned off all strangers. haha!

Mother's Day

Wow - I had a terrific Mother's Day. Hubby and Miss P got me another year's worth of red wine from around the world. Hubby got that for me the Christmas I was pregnant with Miss P and I was so excited. I loved seeing the wine bottles pile up. Well, after Miss P was born it didn't take long for me to get through all the bottles. I am such a lush!! haha! Well, I shared a LOT and gave a few bottles away, so essentially I didn't drink all of them. Hubby said it was a gift just for me. He doesn't drink, so it really is all for me!

We had a Mother's Day brunch at the house. I made egg casserole, spinach squares, a lemon cake and fresh fruit. I got my mom a compact from her favorite store Brighton and made a pot from Miss P with her little footprints all over it. Miss P wasn't happy about getting her little feet dipped in paint, but we mustered through it and her grandma loved it.

After brunch we went to plant flowers on my grandmas' graves. I can't believe they have both been gone over 12 years. My Grandma Browning died from ovarian cancer a week before my brother's wedding in January 1993. Grandma Williams died of what they think was stroke in September 1991. Grandma Williams was leaving for Hawaii the next day, so it was totally unexpected. She had just received a clean bill of health from the doctor not a month before her passing. I remember Mary Alice saying Grandma told her she was going to paradise...well, she truly was. We just couldn't believe she went before Grandma Browning because she was so sick with cancer and Grandma Williams was so healthy. I guess you just never know. All I know is that I still miss them terribly and I wish they were here to enjoy Peyton.

They both visited me in the hospital when I had Peyton. I think everyone thinks I am crazy, but I swear they came in through the window to give a kiss to the baby and then leave. I totally smelled them both and felt them both.

Let's just say that with EVERYTHING this Mother's Day was very special.

It was hard, though, without Sheilah. We had a wake to go to on Saturday for one of Shane's clients. He couldn't make it more than 5 minutes and we left. He had a tough weekend. I think visiting her grave this summer will be very difficult, but we have to do it. Even just out of sheer respect for Sheilah - to honor what a wonderful mother and friend she was. We miss her terribly.

It is official

Today is officially Miss P's first birthday. I can't believe I have a one year old!

People have asked if we were having a smaller party for her tonight and we are not. I took her to the conservatory to see the butterflies get released. She wore her little outfit Cousin Candyce gave her with butterflies all over it and her little purple shoes with butterflies on them...couldn't have been more perfect! haha!

She is playing right now and I noticed she has already destroyed one of her new books. There is a dung beetle laying on the floor ripped out of her insects pop-up book. I wonder why she chose that particular bug. I mean, it isn't colorful and it wasn't one of the bugs that really jumped off the page. She must just like the way it looks, or perhaps not. hmmm... She is also eating her snacks off the floor. I didn't give them to her that way - she dumped them. I guess they taste better with a little dirt on them.

First Birthday

We had Miss P's first birthday party yesterday. It was such a blast! I can't believe how fast it went, though. boohoo.

We had a really busy weekend getting the house ready, and Saturday we had a garage sale that went pretty well. That helped get some of the crap out of here. After we got everything broken down from the sale we cleaned, mowed, planted, scrubbed, etc. The house is now very clean...except for laundry. I am hoping to keep up with it!!

Sunday we did a few last minute things in the morning which stressed me out. Nothing like trying to find a punch bowl one hour before the party. Why was a punch bowl so hard to find? I should have done it earlier, admitdly, but I was so busy with getting the house in order and doing my schoolwork. I was kind of hoping a punch bowl would just show up if I wiggled my nose and made a wish for one.

Miss P was absolutely adorable. She loved having everyone here and playing. She didn't cry except when I took her away from everyone to change her diaper. She looked like a little angel. Pretty much everyone showed up and hung out for a while. We had chicken and egg salads, veges, mac-n-cheese, beans and of course, cake and ice cream. I made sangria and this yummy punch with sherbert in it. Almost everything got eaten up, too!

The person who made the cake was a friend of my parent's. She made an extra little cake for Miss P. The baby didn't really know what to do with the cake and pretty much just played in the icing for a while. She didn't eat very much of it. My little sweetie - preferring veges over cake....yeah, right. I took her dress off so she could get as messy as she'd like. After the icing fest hubby and I put her in the bath. There was cake all in the tub - it was hysterical! She had icing in her hair, smeered on her face and I put an orange icing "P" on her chest signifying "Super P!"

Then we put her in her little dress her auntie D made for her. D made dresses for all the cousins!! They all matched and they all were adorable. My cousin Christina's little girl is only 2 months and looked so adorable in that little dress!! My friend Beth, a very special girl, took pics all day for me. She even had a dinner date and stayed to take pics of the girls in their matching dresses. I couldn't thank her enough!! I can't wait to see them all.

The pics I took aren't that great, but I did get some great moments. I was really busy hosting, and I don't know if I got to everyone, but I tried. I really just wanted to sit on my deck and drink the sangria I made.

We had a ton of people here - Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie D and Uncle P and the kids, Carol, Rick, Dee Dee (great aunts and uncles), Great Grandpa, Cousins Candyce and fam and Brett and fam, and a lot of our friends. Everyone made the day so incredibly special.

Now, I thought I would be sad that my baby was turning one. Like I would feel something was over. But really, I am not sad. I am so so happy to have P in my life and look at her first birthday as only the beginning of a wonderful life together. I have to say though, I did shed a couple of tears because I love her so damn much.

Peek-a-boo

Today Miss P had music class. This was one of the best decisions I have made with her because she LOVES to go. Today we sang a peek-a-boo song and used scarves to cover our faces.

Miss P grabbed the scarf and was playing with it, but when we sang the song she actually held the scarf and played peek-a-boo with it. She would hold the scarf in front of her face and then pull it down when we said peek-a-boo and would smile at Mrs. Julie. I almost cried because it was so cute and to see her do that just made my heart melt. She is growing up! It was so adorable. The song went to the tune of the "Three Little Indians" like this:

(you hold the scarf in front of your face)
Where oh where oh where is mommy
Where oh where oh where is mommy
Where oh where oh where is mommy
Here oh here oh here is mommy
(pull the scarf down)
Peek-a-boo!

Also, after ever song Mrs. Julie says "sshhhh" so it becomes really quiet. Then we all clap and yell "yeah!" Well, Miss P has that down and now claps and yells yeah with us. I love it.

Church

So, I finally went to church yesterday. I went to this Catholic Church really close to my house. Shane and I have been there before, but that was over a year ago! I have been looking for a church for a few years now! You'd think I could just make up my mind, but it isn't that easy.

I wanted to find a church I felt comfortable attending alone...well, now with Miss P. I also wanted a church I felt fit my worship style. I also think that it is important that the reverand's message is something that fits into life and can be used to help make me a better person. Well, this church had all of those things, and being so close to my house makes it all the better.

The 9:30a mass has childcare. I left Miss P with the women in there and she did really well. The one woman said she was really quiet and cried a couple of times, but that when she picked her up she quieted down right away. When I went to get her she seemed a little mad at me. Almost as if she felt like I just left her...which, I guess I did. I think that is good for her, though. She can't always be around mommy, and I need to know that if I get a babysitter for her who she doesn't know that she will be okay. If she totally freaks out in there I guess I just leave her home with daddy, but I don't think that will happen!

Scooter

It seems as if Miss P will be nicknamed Scooter by her Grandpa. He thinks it is so funny the way she scoots around the house. She doesn't do the traditional crawling on all fours - she has found a better way to get places. She scoots on her butt and pulls herself with her arms. This allows her to carry a toy or have hands free to drag along a blanket, teddy or the laundry I am trying to fold. It is really quite humorous. Traveling in this fashion also allows her to skip the step of putting herself in a sitting position because she is already there upon arrival.

Well, I was waiting for the day she'd scoot over to the dog bowl. She has found it hilarious to splash the water in the dog bowl and then pour the water out of the bowl and dump the food dishes. Yesterday, after she dumped the food she decided to put it back in the bowls piece by piece. Of course, she only got through three pieces before she got bored and needed to do something a bit more destructive. So, she decided to dump the pieces out of the bowl that she just put in there into the dogs' water bowl. Then she picked up another piece and put it in her mouth. Quickly though, she realized the dogs' food tasted like crap and spit it out. I got it all on video.

I plan to post it to youtube and will list the link when I do.

Songs for Miss P

I think my daughter's ego is going to be quite enormous. Songs I sing her are totally ego-stroking...if she understood the words. Ha!!

One song I sing goes to the old Mickey Mouse Club intro. I spell her name to Mickey Mouse and then sing "Who is the cutest baby in the whole wide world?" then I end with "YOU are!!" She loves it.

Then I sing this to her if I can get through it without crying...because like Burt Bacharach I am a dweeb...

Why do birds suddenly appearEvery time you are near?Just like me, they long to beClose to you.

Why do stars fall down from the skyEvery time you walk by?Just like me, they long to beClose to you.

On the day that you were bornThe angels got togetherAnd decided to create a dream come trueSo they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of goldAnd starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in townFollow you all around (except I change "girls" to boys)

Just like me, they long to beClose to you.

On the day that you were bornThe angels got togetherAnd decided to create a dream come trueSo they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of goldAnd starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in townFollow you all around.

Just like me, they long to beClose to you.Just like me (Just like me)They long to beClose to you.Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.Hahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.Lahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.

Eating

Miss P officially feeds herself now. boohoo. I can still feed her some things, but she prefers to eat herself. She can only hand feed, and I am betting using the spoon won't be far behind. She likes to do things herself.

I am finding out that she loves bread, muffins, vege dogs and PAPER! I let her go through my wallet because she likes to pull my cards out of it. Well, I have to take out the receipts before I give it to her because twice she has eaten them...not the whole thing, just pieces. gross.

I have to also watch her because she likes to pull bits out of the carpet and sample them, too. I try to sweep everyday or every other day, but with dogs you can't keep up on all the small bits that get brought in from their paws. I can only imagine how much shit she has eaten and she isn't even one....okay, now I am grossed out.

Only a mother...

Only a mother can get all goobelly goo over their child feeding themselves for the first time or doing something that you only showed them once how to do. It is incredible the things I get mushy about that Miss P does, or even doesn't do.

A few weeks ago P grabbed her baby's hairbrush (yes, the baby doll came with a hair brush...go figure) and started brushing her hair with it. I couldn't believe it! We just started brushing her hair after her baths. Her hair would be totally crazy messy from the towel drying and it had to be tamed. I had only brushed her hair twice before she picked up the little orange plastic toy brush and did it herself. Of course, my child IS a genious.

BUT, so now she could brush her own hair, but she couldn't feed herself. Well... until two days ago.

She had been trying to get food in her mouth for a couple of weeks, but kind of stopped trying after endless attempts gone wrong. Then just the other day she picked up a Cheerio and put it right in her mouth. I went overboard with excitement and she did it again. Again...my child is a genious.

Later that day she sat down with our Gerber Sweet Potato puffs and ended up eating the whole container...well, between her and the dogs. She kept reaching in and grabbing handfuls, so I let her. It was too cute to stop. Plus, I wanted her to keep practicing. And believe it or not, that little thing still ate all of her dinner and nursed before bed. Mind you...she is only 17 lbs at 11 months and 29 inches. Tall and skinny with a hollow leg, I guess.

Suet

Suet: oily or greasy matter making up the bulk of fatty tissue in animals and in seeds and other plant tissue. This fat is mixed with seed to make bird food.

I never knew what it was until we got the cold snap in March. Three robins lost their lives on our front porch because of starvation from the cold. The berries they usually eat in the winter had become frozen making it hard for them to swallow. It was so sad to see them struggle trying to ingest a frozen berry. Many birds would swarm around one tree trying to get food. I took bread out to them and currants, but little did I know that suet was a choice food for robins in the winter. I had no idea what it was so I had to research it - but then I didn't know where to find it. I finally saw it at Giant Eagle the other day...of course, by this time it was too late to save the lives of the little birdies that died in our front yard.

We decided to get suet feeders and keep them in our yard. Hubby and I want to be sure that if a bird comes into our yard it will find food. We picked up the suet feeders at Big Lots! and suet at Krogers. How easy is that? Why couldn't I figure that out a month ago?

Well, now we have two feeders hanging from trees in our backyard. There is a cardinal and two squirrels keeping guard of the green wire cages full of fat and seed. They vanish when the dogs go out to pee. It is quite humerous to watch the wildlife guard the food and then the dogs guard the yard from the wildlife. I just hope Piper doesn't catch one.

GROSS!

So, Easter was going great. We took Miss P to her first Easter Egg hunt at the school behind our house and she got her picture taken with the Easter Bunny. She even "found" her first egg. It was so cold and she just sat there and played with the green plastic egg like it was a new toy. She kept scrunching up her nose and making a silly face. Luckily, I had my camera!

Easter morning she got her little basket with yellow gingham lining, a Peter Rabbit book, a few plastic "hippo" eggs and a stuffed pink bunny. We were playing hide the eggs in the cup and have her choose where it was. It was funny because when we stuffed her little bunny in the cup she cried...twice. Twice because of course we had to do it two times to see if she'd react the same way. ha! She liked the bunny, but she loved the yellow plastic grass in her basket. It was so cute to see her pull it out and play with it. Daddy took it away because he thought it could be a choking hazard.

So, all morning we played and had so much fun. Hubby and I ate a colored egg and then I went to dig into the yummy Anthony Thomas chocolate eggs hubby got me. It isn't Easter without those little chocolate eggs in colorful foil wrapping...well, until today. I opened up a bright blue foiled egg and much to my surprise were BUGS munching on my chocolate and making that delectable little egg their home! Bugs in my chocolate egg I wait a full year to get, bugs in my chocolate egg I waited until Miss P went down for a nap to eat and enjoy, bugs in my chocolate egg hubby was so kind to get for me because it is tradition. YUCK! So, I ate a Peep instead and kind of felt ill thinking there was a bug in there, too.

The Feminine Mistake

Everyone has such differing opinions on "to stay at home or to not stay at home." In a world driven by money, I am not surprised that many feel that stay-at-home mothers are making a huge mistake. But, all in all, I am hoping that when people make the decision to quit their jobs to raise their children that it is done with a plan, not just haphazardly...or by society's influence.

The latest thing I heard was on the Today Show. Ann Curry interviewed Leslie Bennetts who wrote the book The Feminine Mistake. Basically, Bennetts made the point that women are misinformed when they make the choice to quit their jobs to raise their children. She blames the media on covering horror daycare stories or not focusing on what it means financially to a family for the woman to quit her job. Here is her response to many critical responses: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-bennetts/the-feminine-mistake_b_44690.html

I commend her for voicing her thoughts and concerns on women staying at home, but I also do not agree with the fact that she thinks most of us make our choices based on what the media says. It is amazing to me that women would even make a choice whether to quit their job or not based on what was said on their local news or CNN. How can Bennetts think we are all so weak-minded that we can't live our own lives or make up our own minds without the influence of the media?

The media is a paid service. It is a disgusting business that is based on what story is the most sensational and will get the most viewers to tune in. Think about what you see on your local news - murder, missing children, fires, controversy...people love shocking stories. Look at national news - it is all about entertainment. Tabloid stories about celebs or choosing the most hair raising statistic, such as: men lose weight faster than women, even if they do the same exercise and make the same food choices...why? Or a little boy who likes vaccuums. WTF? Stupid, yet, highly entertaining. And that is it, it is entertaining. So, why do people take what they see to heart? I worked with the news for a long time "selling" them stories, and luckily I learned how it works.

Knowing what I know, it saddens me that many women would listen to stories on the news to make their life decisions. At least, that is the point Bennetts is trying to make. She totally attacked the media in her interview, and frankly, it made her look stupid. At least to someone like me who made the choice to stay-at-home with Miss P with the TV OFF!

picky, picky

So, what's up with my baby being a picky eater? I guess she takes after her mother. I have specific ways I'll eat things and where I will eat them - I'd never win on Fear Factor. I won't even eat the Fear Factor candy because it looks so gross...and I LOVE sugar.

This morning was a case in point. I made her oatmeal with whole milk and yummy apples and blueberries (fruit from a jar; I am not that good) and mixed it up really well. She hated it. So, then I blended it up together to get the "curd-like" texture out of the oatmeal. She hated it. I wanted to be sure she got her oats, so I thought and thought about what to do next. Then it came to me. Mix that mixture with yogurt and see if she'll eat. That was a winner! She ate two bowls full.

Breakfast ended up taking 45 minutes. haha! Anything to make her happy, I guess. I just want to make sure she eats. Now, that goes against what my pediatrician said. He basically suggested that if she doesn't eat what you present to her then she doesn't eat. He said I can't keep trying to make her happy because then it will be a game of trying to figure out what she wants every meal...for the next five years. To me, though, I need to figure out what she likes now so I know what to fix her and to make sure she actually eats. I have to admit, though, I can be a big push over. Oh well. I may end up going crazy later, but right now my baby is eating and that is most important to me. I've got the time when it comes to my darling daugher to make her happy, so I will.

Doting mother

I am writing this mainly because I don't want to forget these moments, and partially because I am just a damn proud mama. Yesterday was Miss P's final swim class, and like any other day we changed after class in the locker room. The locker room is always crammed after swimming classes end with wet toddlers and babies whose mamas are changing them into their dry day clothes. Well, as I was gathering up our wet suits and towels a woman stopped and just stared at Miss P. There were tons of other babies there, but something about my daughter caught her eye.

She said, "your baby is so beautiful; I can't get over what a lovely little girl she is." I just beamed and said thank you. We continued to have a nice conversation and as we began to part ways the woman looked at Miss P and said again that she thought she was just a gorgeous little baby. I was so proud and overjoyed that someone was that thoughtful to stop us and oogle over the love of my life.

And, this isn't the first time I have been stopped. Many times I have had people comment on what a beautiful baby Miss P is, and I am always graciously accepting of the compliments. But, there is another time I remember vividly. I was shopping at Giant Eagle and had Miss P in the Bjorn. An older gentleman stopped me while I was looking at black beans and gushed at Miss P and me and told me that she was one of the most beautiful babies he had ever seen. Compliments just kept pouring out of his mouth. He even grabbed his wife and told her she had to see "this" baby. I was so embarressed, but also quietly enjoying the attention my baby was getting. I actually loved it...

I loved it mainly because I am so thankful that I have been blessed with a beautiful child. Not because of her outer beauty, but because of the joy and love she has brought to hubby and me. She is truly a lovely little baby when you just gaze upon her, but more importantly, I can tell what a lovely little personality she is going to have and how loving she has portrayed she will be from the inside. I just adore her and look forward to the day when she is able to read and understand this post.

Scooter

Miss P is scooting all over the place and needs to be watched like a hawk. Yesterday, I left her in the living room playing with her toys and a dreaded Einstein video (not a fan of her glued to the TV set) so I could make dinner. Well, the next thing I heard was a hard bonk on the floor, and ran around the corner of the kitchen to a screaming baby that just did a face plant on the hard tile floor. I felt so bad because she was scooting to see me and I wasn't watching her.

Earlier that day we were at baby playtime and she face planted the floor and a toy, so she already had a red mark on her cheek! I guess I have to get used to it. I know she needs to learn to get around and part of that means hurting herself as she learns her body's boundaries. As she learns she can get around, she has also become more demanding of me and my time. She is learning what to say and how to act to get me to pay attention to her, play with her or feed her. It is pretty cool to see her grow and express her emotions, needs and little desires. I am so happy I get to stay home with her to see these changes first hand and not hear about them from a daycare provider.

Loki and Piper are better with her. Well, Piper steers clear of her, but Loki is excited that she can finally play with her! It is really cute. Hopefully, Loki won't get pissed and take a chunk out of her.

Yum!

Can Miss P actually be saying words? Yes, I think so. She may not really be putting the meanings I think she is putting to words, but most of the time I swear she is. For instance,

Dada or dayyee: that is daddy for sure, she says it when she sees him
Dawyee: dog, she says this when she refers to the dog
Mama: not sure if she means me when she says it, because she always says nawnaw or teetee when she sees me
Yum!: when she wants another bite of food or today...

I brought in a cup of yogurt to eat while she was playing. She saw it and scooted towards me saying Yum! Yum! Yesterday, I gave her some of my yogurt and she loved it, so I am pretty sure she remembered what the cup looked like and wantd some. Super cute.

New car!

So, how many people can actually be sad when they get a new car? Well, count me in that minority. I just got a new car yesterday and felt more like crying than jumping for joy. See, the last time I got a new car it was because the last one was a piece of crap and actually cost more money fixing it than the car was worth. Ah yes, not so fond memories of that 97 Volkswagon Jetta, BUT great memories of the car I got in its stead: a 2004 Scion XB. LOVE that car.

My Scion started to be a part of me...well, not exactly, my point is, anyplace I went I never lost my car. Plus, I talked to endless amounts of people about the car. Everyone had a comment from, "it looks like a mini on steriods" to "that car has a lot of room" then a nod, which solidified the fact they thought the car was "interesting" to say the least. I know the XB is very different looking than other things on the road, and that is part of the reason I love(d) it so much. However, all that love doesn't change the fact that there simply is not enough room to cart my darling daughter around and get groceries. It really wasn't meant for a stroller, baby gear, a car seat and baby toys on top of doing all of your errands. Anyone with a baby knows there are certain things that just stay in the car because you are either: a. too lazy to keep bringing it in just to bring it out the next time you go someplace, b. you can just leave it and c. why bother taking it out when you never know where you'll be, and heaven forbid you don't have that thingy you put in the cart at the grocery store to keep your child semi-germ-free.

I complained to hubby a number of times that it doesn't have enough room and he was getting tired of driving his little 99 standard civic to work. Now that he is a manager of a Fortune 500 internet department he can't be towing co-workers around in a car that they can barely get in and out of...or possibly not fit in...that car is not big. So, we went to the auto show and saw a cute car that looks like a minivan on a shrinking pill - the Mazda 5. It is all the rage for families in Europe and Japan and they are only bringing 60,000 of the cars to the US this year. It is cute, great to drive and has plenty of room...but, it just isn't my XB. How silly is that?! I get what I want and am sad.

Hubby and I discussed it and came to a few conclusions:
1. It signifies that I truly am a mom and am looking out for my family, not simply to have a cool car.
2. Guilt: part of the money we spent on the car came from what Sheilah left us. It solidifies the fact she won't be back. I wore her ring yesterday so she was with us...maybe that is why we got such a good deal.
3. Guilt: because I am getting the next new car, when really it should be Shane. BUT, he loves the XB as much as I do. The car is practically still new and just needs a wash to shine like it did the day we bought it. The XB gets tremendous gas mileage, too.

In essence, I just needed to get this off my chest so I just go drive my car around and stop being a woosie.

Firsts can also be sad...

Last night I went to dinner with a couple of friends. Hubby came home early so he could watch Miss P and feed her dinner so I could hit the road. I was excited because I hadn't seen my friend Beth in a while and I wanted to hear about her trip to the Keys...plus I was craving a calzone and a glass of red wine.

Anyhow, dinner was great. We talked about the place we both used to work and all the gossip. Turns out there are a lot of new things going on at the old place of employment. Of course, all weird, psycho things that make me cringe thinking I could have EVER worked there. Such as, berating an employee for not meeting deadlines that he can only meet if he is given the material and direction from the higher up, and the higher up sucks as a manager and can't get her shit together to even meet HER deadlines much less help out her subordinate. Or...moving a person into an entirely new position without even discussing it with them first. Strange with a capital S I tell ya. The list could go on, but why bother? I just gave them too much energy just writing this much about them.

We also talked about the glorious weather in Florida and the fun time my friend has snorkling, kayaking and just hanging out. I was so jealous because the weather here is such a nightmare. I heard someone from Britain speaking on NPR about how Brits can be cranky even with their own friends because of the constant drizzle. Well, I feel the same way about Ohio. Ohio weather is no fun.

Well, dinner ended and it was time for me to go home. I was excited to see my little girl's smiling face and her whine for me to come pick her up. I mean, she obviously missed me, right? She obviously could barely get by without me, right? She couldn't possibly go to sleep without kissing her mommy goodnight or her night nurse, right? Well, no, not right, not correct. I got in the house and there was hubby eating dinner and I asked where P was. He said she was asleep. WHAT?! ASLEEP?! She can't possibly be doing that. She is supposed to be missing me, kissing me, and having me nurse her to sleep.

So, I marched my butt upstairs to see what? Nothing but my darling angel fast alseep. I just stood there and listened to her breath for a while...long enough for hubby to scold me telling me I was going to wake her up. I was sad thinking how perfect their night was without me. Then the morning came.

I went in to bid her good morning and we cuddled our morning cuddle. I then took her in for her morning diaper change when low and behold there was a nice big turd and diaper rash so red I could see it flaming in the dark. Could it be possible that the perfect little night P had with daddy ended with daddy putting her to bed with poopy pants?

Slob?

It is 3:15p and I am STILL in my pajamas. I just got P dressed..wtf? Shouldn't she be dressing herself?

Carpet cleaners

I have the carpet cleaners coming today. We have two dogs that are totally like little children. They are allowed up on the furniture, they sleep with us and they go to the doggie spa to get groomed (Petsmart). We had to get a dog with hair because I am allergic to most animals, but since they have hair they get filthy. Unlike a dog that can just shed dirt with fur, we have to actually bathe or wipe them off constantly.

Well, given that, our carpets are disgusting. I didn't realize how disgusting until I looked at the footies in Miss P's sleeper...they were brown. I was mortified. Just thinking about all the other babies and children playing in our living room, eating stuff off of the floor and rolling around...oh goodness. I remember my sister-in-law complaining about someone's house having dirty carpets. She said when she brought her son home his knees were brown from crawling around on the floor. I thought to myself how could someone have such filth in their home with children, and then I had one of my own and saw how easy it is to let a mess pile up. Okay, so I am known to be a bit of a slob, but never dirty...that just grosses me out.

On another note: I never thought I'd be saying these words, "honey, PLEASE do not poke mommy in the eye and pull her hair. It hurts me." What am I - abused by a baby? hahaha!

Drama...much?

I think I was overreacting to hubby's conversation. I spoke with him about it and he thought it was a good conversation and was a little surprised when I said I was feeling a little blue about it. He did not intend for it to be anything but an expression of his feelings...and sincerely, I thought it was tremendous on his part to tell me he always wants to work things out and not lose our communication with each other because of kids.

I agree, and I didn't get married to throw it in the shitter when things get hard. Marriage is work...hard work sometimes, but it is worth it. My hubby and I get along well - even when I get a little dramatic or out of my mind I know he'll always understand me or at least try to. I appreciate the fact that he feels he can talk candidly with me and that I can with him. I hope to always be able to do that - and I will work to be sure I do.

As I have said before and will say again - I am lucky, very lucky to have such a wonderful family.

A "talk"

So, hubby and I were sitting down to dinner last night and he wanted to share something he had been thinking about for a little while. Basically, it was an observation of how different our lives have become. He said we used to have so much in common when I was working. We were on the same playing field in that we both worked in an agency setting. Now, I stay home with Miss P and he goes off to a corporate job he took last August, which makes our conversations very different.

He said we used to be able to connect, but now our days are so completely opposite that we don't share that work conversation commonality. He said that he felt this is why couples grow apart and so many divorces happen when the children leave the nest. Because husbands and wives let that gap grow between them when the children arrive in the communication arena. He said he didn't want that to happen to us. He said that once a month he wants us to do something so that we can just be together and talk. I asked if that is what would make him feel better about our relationship - kind of fishing to see if he was truly unhappy and that is the reason he is talking to me about this topic.

From what I gather, he was just talking about some feelings he was having. And I appreciated that. I also appreciate that he wants our marriage to work and not to fail like so many of our friends' marriages. Or have a marriage that is full of grudges and anger towards the other person for "forgetting" about them or for not having open communication.

It seems to me that maybe he would like to really explore his job and possibly have the freedom to just hang out when everyone else does. For drinks, dinner or what not. I never stop him from doing those things, and frankly I think it is good to hang out with work people to help build a working relationship. I just hope he can draw the line between work, family and friends. I know he loves us, but does he really want to be with us? After our conversation last night I am a little hesitant to say 100% yes...and I don't know why.

This is where if I could have looked in the future I would have seen this coming. I mean, our lives growing up were totally different. My life was VERY family oriented and my dad played a huge role in our upbringing. He was a disciplinarian, a playmate and a provider. He totally took care of us and we always felt safe that mom and dad would be around when we needed them...or even when we didn't want them around. haha. Shane's family was totally different. His dad passed when he was young and his mom was left to bring up three boys alone - working fulltime and going to school. She married again, but her next husband wasn't the "fatherly" type like my dad was, so to speak. He was a nice man, just not a man that the boys looked to as "dad." Shane and his brothers pretty much fended for themselves...and that is what they are used to. Shane is used to be totally independent and just looking after himself, but now he has a family and I know he struggles with what he should/needs to be doing and what he wants to do. Maybe he is just putting on a happy face and acting like everything is fine - does he truly believe it? I don't know. Only time will tell.

People and their kids

Some people crack me up with their babies. There are a lot of different types of mommies - and I would say most of my friends are laid back and see their children as an addition to their family. However, there are those few that try to shelter their children from every little noise, every little cold snap, every person that even remotely makes them whimper, and it drives us all entirely crazy.

We actually have friends whose first born was never seen by us until her second birthday. The parents basically acted so strangely and rudely that we didn't even want to bother coming over. Hubby was treated poorly on many occasions and that just was not suitable to my liking, so I stayed clear as to not open my big mouth and cause animosity. Let's just say there was a time when he went to his friend's house, was asked to take off his shoes..because they may squeak, and asked to go into the basement and speak at barely a whisper as not wake the sleeping baby. And, all the lights were off in the house and the wife was quietly eating her dinner IN THE DARK. hmmm...I am not one to judge, but that was a little odd to me. It seems as if we have another of "those" types of parents on our hands, too. I won't mention names, but I heard through the family grapevine that our darling little family addition may just be sheltered just like our friend's baby.

Luckily, though, the second baby came for our friends and they are 100% different, which I have to admit makes hanging around them much more tolerable. I am just hoping a second child won't need to be a reason the "others" loosen their ties a bit. Can't we all just have fun?!

Babies are meant to make us happy and other people happy. They are learning to how to "be" in this world - why shelter the crap out of them? I mean, noises happen, squeaky shoes happen and loud people happen - and babies are human and need to be exposed to it.

On being a mommy

Motherhood
is to decide forever
to have your
heart
go walking around
ouside your body.

-Elizabeth Stone

I am so smitten

Miss P is one week shy of ten months. She has fly away blonde hair that is usually full of static, two teeth coming in, likes to do raspberries and point at things she wants to play with or get an explanation for. She is so darn cute. She is pushing herself forward like she is going to crawl at anytime, but just doesn't quite have it. I think she is perfectly fine scooting for now. She loves solid foods, but isn't so sure about the homemade stuff. She babbles constantly in her own little language. I am sure if she was with another baby that "talked" a lot they would be gossip hounds.

I can hear it now - my mommy made my food for me and it was terrible - how hard it is to puree sweet potatoes? my diaper was wet for most of the morning and it took the dog to keep nosing my butt for my mommy to finally get the hint. mommy was yelling at daddy this morning over NOTHING and then later she laughed when she was in the bathroom. she called out that she got her period and that it explained everything. I have a new swimming instructor and he makes us go under the water at least once per class!

hahahha. Hopefully my kid isn't really figuring those things out...

I am kind of pissed right now.

I cannot even believe my husband said to me, "do you honestly think your job is harder than mine?"

He then said, "if you are that unhappy staying home then you can get a job."

He was bugging me to massage him after doing EVERYthing for Peyton...well, since she was born. So, that means I am on call 24/7 without help unless I ask for it. He never offers to do anything. I don't get a break. I told him I didn't want to massage him and he basically got all bent out of shape. And get this, he hasn't even used the massage gift certificate I got him for his birthday LAST year.

Okay, I am done venting.

Today

Dealing with death is never easy. Your tears are shed for a long time after a loved one passes. Little things remind you of the person you lost and what could have been. I know I keep thinking about how I need to order pictures to send to Nana, but really, I don’t. Luckily, though, there is still family in RI that misses P and would really appreciate the photos.

P has been such a wonderful distraction. I think that the depression would be worse for hubby if he didn’t have his little girl. She is truly a blessing, and some of Sheilah’s last words to me were to “take care of that baby.” She loved her granddaughter very much and wanted the best for her.

P is changing dramatically day to day. Yesterday she scooted herself to her toy basket and grabbed a bunch of toys out to play. Luckily, one of those toys was the Brown Bear book! She was going through the pages as if she was reading to herself. It was ADORable. She started at 8 months turning the pages to the books I read her. I thought it was a fluke, but she kept doing it. Now at 9 and ½ months she understands the difference between turning the pages and closing and opening the book. It is so cool to see.

She has two teeth on the bottom and I think she is teething for the top two. Time certainly flies. I sit here and hope she crawls soon, but then again I don’t want her to be mobile. It is just one less dependency she will have on mama.

We are in the process of getting her to eat finger foods and drink more than a sip of water from the sippy cup. Since she is almost 10 months I have to think about weaning her off the boob. I could keep nursing, but I really want some freedom this summer….and smaller boobs.

Life goes on...get used to it

We buried Sheilah today. Wow, did that suck. Losing someone you love just sucks; plain and simple. There is a lot I want to write that made the day wonderful...as odd as that sounds, wonderful is the word I choose.

So many people will miss Sheilah dearly. I mean if you didn't you are just a callous human being that didn't deserve the likes of her presence, but ya know, whatevah. :)

Anyhow - today sucked, but we made it through. My darling daughter was a joy. I recieved SO many compliments on how good she was during the mass and everything. Even though her diaper at the mass could have knocked a sick person down, she was awesome. My precious P rocks the house. That in itself makes me so sad because Sheilah isn't here to enjoy her as I do. At least I have the comfort of knowing she is with her Nana, mom and dad - and Anna Nicole Smith. I am sure Sheilah is getting a laugh out of that. She could have been meeting James Woods (who she dated once by the way), but no, it is booblicious Smith. And I am sure Sheilah is having a blast with that. hahahahaha. I don't think we could have wanted it any other way.

Things I want to remember about the passed few weeks:

My husband's strength. I can't imagine how difficult is was for him to say good-bye to his mother. Luckily, she live through him and through his loving baby.

Father Joe was amazing and treated our family with such love and respect. You could tell how much he loved and adored Sheilah.

The family members and friends that came to the wake and gave us supportive words and sympathy for our loss.

The hours that Nicole, Darcy, Judy, Al, Ronnie, Shane, Kelcey, Mary, Rob and Bill spent by Sheilah's side as she took her final breaths of life.

Giving Sheilah the lowdown on American Idol just days before her death. I am so lucky I got to have that conversation with her and now I will have to watch American Idol all season in honor of my beautiful lady.

Haily, Kyle and Alex being so strong as children. They were such precious angels as they sat upstairs during the course of their Nana riding the sickness wave of cancer.

Being overwhelmed with gratitude for Sheilah's jewelry. I cannot believe she left me her wedding ring and band, her watch she wore throughout her sickness and her charm bracelet. What did I do to deserve that? Just another example of Sheilah taking care of her girls - she needed to be sure they looked good.

Marianne's gracious hospitality. Marianne let us stay for two weeks in her home. She has let us just make ourselves at home and has been so comforting to talk to. I just adore her.

Running into Mary at Marshalls. She helped me pick out tops to wear for the wake and the furneral, and Peyton's outfit for the wake. She was Sheilah's best friend and is such a cool chick. I want our relationship to grow - she is another one of the good ones. I want to write her a letter to tell her how special she is...I am so happy she is surrounded by family that think the world of her.

My mom coming in to support our family. She dropped everything on Thursday to make arrangements to come to RI. She is another one of the good ones and I have her as my mother. Lucky me.

We met up with Kelcey and family at the house and Shane came out with a card. Our "Columbus Family" sent us a beautiful card that they all signed. It dropped us to our knees...well, if we were standing it would have. Our friends organized a website for donations and another friend setup PayPal to take care of getting the donations to Dana Farber. They are amazing people. Again, I am a lucky girl.

I am sure I'll more, but right now I need to feed my baby. She needs me.

Life goes on...get used to it

We buried Sheilah today. Wow, did that suck. Losing someone you love just sucks; plain and simple. There is a lot I want to write that made the day wonderful...as odd as that sounds, wonderful is the word I choose.

So many people will miss Sheilah dearly. I mean if you didn't you are just a callous human being that didn't deserve the likes of her presence, but ya know, whatevah. :)

Anyhow - today sucked, but we made it through. My darling daughter was a joy. I recieved SO many compliments on how good she was during the mass and everything. Even though her diaper at the mass could have knocked a sick person down, she was awesome. My precious P rocks the house. That in itself makes me so sad because Sheilah isn't here to enjoy her as I do. At least I have the comfort of knowing she is with her Nana, mom and dad - and Anna Nicole Smith. I am sure Sheilah is getting a laugh out of that. She could have been meeting James Woods (who she dated once by the way), but no, it is booblicious Smith. And I am sure Sheilah is having a blast with that. hahahahaha. I don't think we could have wanted it any other way.

Things I want to remember about the passed few weeks:

My husband's strength. I can't imagine how difficult is was for him to say good-bye to his mother. Luckily, she live through him and through his loving baby.

Father Joe was amazing and treated our family with such love and respect. You could tell how much he loved and adored Sheilah.

The family members and friends that came to the wake and gave us supportive words and sympathy for our loss.

The hours that Nicole, Darcy, Judy, Al, Ronnie, Shane, Kelcey, Mary, Rob and Bill spent by Sheilah's side as she took her final breaths of life.

Giving Sheilah the lowdown on American Idol just days before her death. I am so lucky I got to have that conversation with her and now I will have to watch American Idol all season in honor of my beautiful lady.

Haily, Kyle and Alex being so strong as children. They were such precious angels as they sat upstairs during the course of their Nana riding the sickness wave of cancer.

Being overwhelmed with gratitude for Sheilah's jewelry. I cannot believe she left me her wedding ring and band, her watch she wore throughout her sickness and her charm bracelet. What did I do to deserve that? Just another example of Sheilah taking care of her girls - she needed to be sure they looked good.

Marianne's gracious hospitality. Marianne let us stay for two weeks in her home. She has let us just make ourselves at home and has been so comforting to talk to. I just adore her.

Running into Mary at Marshalls. She helped me pick out tops to wear for the wake and the furneral, and Peyton's outfit for the wake. She was Sheilah's best friend and is such a cool chick. I want our relationship to grow - she is another one of the good ones. I want to write her a letter to tell her how special she is...I am so happy she is surrounded by family that think the world of her.

My mom coming in to support our family. She dropped everything on Thursday to make arrangements to come to RI. She is another one of the good ones and I have her as my mother. Lucky me.

We met up with Kelcey and family at the house and Shane came out with a card. Our "Columbus Family" sent us a beautiful card that they all signed. It dropped us to our knees...well, if we were standing it would have. Our friends organized a website for donations and another friend setup PayPal to take care of getting the donations to Dana Farber. They are amazing people. Again, I am a lucky girl.

I am sure I'll more, but right now I need to feed my baby. She needs me.

Saying Goodbye Sux.

I will try to call later. Today Nic and I are shopping for something to wear to the funeral and for the baby and Hailey. I know that Sheilah would want us all to have something special to wear...even to her own funeral.

Yesterday I sat with her for a good hour/2 hours and got to hold her hand. I told her how God blessed me with her, my beautiful daughter and hubby. I said I am so lucky that the baby resembles her because I can look at my baby and be reminded of her each day. She just said, "oh sweetie." I hope I didn't upset her, but I know I was upset. I am just so grateful I was able to sit with her like that in her bed. Ronnie and Judy were there. Ronnie is was really hanging in there fighting back the tears. There was so much love in that room. Sheilah is/was certainly one of the good ones...like Grandma...and now God will get her back to do more work for him.

I am going to miss her so much. I am so sad Miss P won't get to know her like I did, but the kids reassure me that they will share their memories of Nana with their cousin. I just wanted one trip to Disney with Sheilah, and I kind of got it. Not what I imagined, but at least I can tell Miss P she had one trip to Florida with Nana.

Hubby cried and cried yesterday on the phone when he told me how Sheilah was suffering. She basically said she was ready to go and that she wouldn't last for a few days. I feel so badly for him. He is hurting in the way deep down places of his heart, and I don't think he expected to be in so much pain. He thought that accepting the fate of his mother was enough grieving...unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I think she was having conversations with her dead loved ones. When I was sitting with her she was moaning and kind of jerking her body. I was thinking to myself she was having a conversation with God and her loved ones getting them ready for her arrival and giving them each a job to do for when she gets there. haha. Then I heard she told Mary that her mom was upset with them - I think that was referring to Bill and his actions. I am sure if Bill's mom saw what he was doing she wouldn't be very happy. I'll write about that later, but maybe not. I really don't want to give any more thought to what a jackass he can be. Sorry, Sheilah, if you get wind of what we all truly think of Bill when you are up there. I just always wanted so much more for you.

Sad Times.

We have been in RI for a week visiting family, and what feels like waiting for Sheilah to die. I know that sounds so morbid, but it kind of feels that way. Shane wanted to stay for a while to be sure his mother is situated. When we extended the tickets we were told by the nurse that she had six months, and then we brought Hospice in and were told the truth. This passed Tuesday the nurse told us…and Sheilah…that she had about two weeks unless her heart gave out on her. Her heart is working as hard at rest as mine would be working if I was running in 30 degree weather. It is incredibly sad, but at the same time it is almost a relief because I know she won’t be in pain any longer. These last few months have been dreadful for Sheilah. Even when she was feeling okay she could barely go to lunch with her friends because walking out to the car was a chore. This is for a woman who was always on the go. The Sheilah I know is a woman who has to constantly be doing something, whether it be crocheting or shopping she was busy.

I haven't been able to sit with Sheilah for the passed two days because my lungs hurt so badly from the cats. I went down for about two hours the other day and the next day I felt like I had bricks on my chest. It was weird, I could breathe okay but I was in a lot of pain. I think since pregnancy my allergy has changed a bit - and I can't say if it is better or worse just different. I feel guilty complaining about my small ailments when my mil is on death’s door. Of course she worries about me even in her current condition…she is amazing.

She still has her wits. She cracks me up…always has. Peter Barrett, a distant family member and funeral director (I think), came over and talked to Sheilah. She said, “let’s get down to it. I want to see prices and caskets.” Hahaha. My dad was a little taken aback when I told him that. I was laughing, but he wasn’t.

I am really looking forward to going home. I miss my dogs a ton and my house...and familiar surroundings. I am more of a homebody than I ever thought I was. I think I am just mature enough to admit it now. :)

On a lighter note, everyone is smitten with Miss P. Her Aunt Nicole wants me to leave her. haha. Can't blame her, my darling daughter is a doll baby. She is cutting her teeth. I can actually feel them in her mouth! She is a whole 9 months old as of Feb. 1 and growing like a weed. She has taken to screaming to get what she wants, which I am trying to break her of because it is barely tolerable. But, I think it is all in the growing stages of her babyhood so I can't complain about it. She loves books and will hopefully be a good reader like her mommy. We shall see.